Forsaken Abyss

ok, that really was a very long post... oh well... hehe

anyway, i forgot to add that eventhough we're still not finished with the paper, it's almost done... only minor changes are needed, and sir mama's article already has a spot... so i can still give that sigh of relief... just that it's not total relief... i still want to see that paper mass produced...

after everything though... i'm proud of them... of having enough patience to bear with me... and for doing the job we couldn't last year... (ok, i know it's not really our fault and all but still, i'm proud they were able to come up with (i'm guessing) around 94% complete hard copy of the paper... we didn't come close to that last year bacause we failed to do certain things we should have done...)

ok, that's it for now...

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forsakenabyss 16:42 - [Link]
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ok, i should be studying right now for a quiz and a long test tomorrow, doing our group paper for scie10 and getting rest -but i'm not...

may be it's because a lot of things are on my mind right now...

one of course is rotc... we had a mock flight run yesterday to prepare us for the actual event on feb. 23... we got to the finish line third, but we were "disqualified" because a lot (1/3) of us got left behind in medic stops... that was bad, being a special flight and all... what impression would that give the other cadets and officers? that we don't conduct proper pt? hmm... actually, it's true... but it's too late to look back and regret now... i guess we juts have to prove ourselves during the actual run...

speaking of the actual run, we need 28 (i think) to participate... and we won't reach 28... ugh! i told them yesterday that if they think they're just going to slow the flight sown, they should just participate in the open marathon and not in the flight run itself... i don't really want that to happen because on of the things i really want them to learn is unity... and even though the school year is about to end and it's almost too late for them to learn this, i'd still give it one more shot...

i was also shocked that some of those who couldn't complete the run didn't complain before... even in the recognition night... so aside from having lame pt's, i guess the recog night was also easier... compared to a 5km run... hmm... to the physical extent that is...

i don't know how many of us will be joining the flight run as a flight... i do know that if we don't reach the needed number, which we won't... they'll add others to us... i don't really like that idea... oh well...

we'll be having pt next week... even though it's actually a free cut... i hope we do better this time... i have to admit that i can't run at constant pace that long, the speed isn't the only thing in question, but more importantly, the oneness of the flight... they couldn't even jog in a decent formation... tsk...

we also had the layout problem last friday and saturday... i admit that i initially told sir dayrit and sir villa that it'll be done by feb. 8, but i also told them that i moved the deadline after learning that those who are going to do the lay-out are going to be very busy last week for their academics... maybe they didn't see the implication i saw, because the told the higher officers that the lay-out will be done by feb. 8...

other things that complicated the matter is that sir dayrit told this to the lay-out staff and not me, the managing editor... add to that that he told them last friday, around early afternoon... alen told me she couldn't say no because sir mama said he'll be giving the money when the master copy was submitted to him... the money was what we've been needing all this time, and even though it's kind of small, it's better than getting nothing... i'm ok with that, even though i had doubts that we'll be getting the money just that simple, i still hoped we would... but as the day passed, we didn't yet...

an addition to this is that they didn't tell me right away... yes, i wasn't with them that time, but they could have texted me or something... after all, i am the managing editor of that newsletter... they told me around 1630... and to add tot that, i was going to attend a forum for litsoc that time... (the forum was good though, but i wish my mind was not thinking about other things that time, like how i'm getting home and the set-up for the following day... that would have made the talk much more enjoyable... ).

ok, i know i don't really do anything for the lay-out, aside from watching them do it, i know i don't really know anything about pagemaker, free hand and phtoshop... i also don't know the basics in newsletter lay-out... not even in newspaper and magazine lay-out... (yes, i come to wonder why i'm in my job... oh yeah, i love to write... hmm.. i'd get to that later...), but they could have at least told me earlier...

hmm... maybe it didn't come to them since they were all busy... i couldn't really blame them for not telling me, i know they had a lot of things on their mind that time... tsk... oh well... what's done is done...

what alen really told me during that 1630 conversation is that sir dayrit will be giving the lay-out to sir mama in the morning... ok, with that thought in mind, i knew they (the lay-out team) are going to spend the night doing it... and that isn't really good... considering we'll be having a mock fun run and they should be in school as early as 545 the following day...

after thinking about it (and finding out the forum isn't about to start yet), i finally went to sir dayrit to tell him they couldn't finish the lay-out by yesterday morning... he was busy playing magic that time so i didn't explain the situation in details, i came direct to the point... and he told me he wouldn't be talking to sir mama anymore and to tell sir villa that he's going to be the one to give it... i asked if we could give it in the afternoon and he replied in a yes/"bahala kayo" type of answer... ok, this is good because they have more time to do the lay-out... after all. we should be having a six-hour break after the mock fun run...

after telling this to alen, i went to the forum... ok, i still had this in my mind but at least it's a little bit better know... a "little tiny bit"...

while in the forum, i found out tricia was cutting the training day because she won't be able to run, and since the mock fun run is part of the training day, she'll still merit a cut even though she goes for the afternoon part of it... after the forum, i called her up, and after clearing it out that she really wasn't going (after failed attempts of convincing her to go and just not run...), i had tot to tell her when the lay-out was due... it wasn't really right to tell her that since she has a thing to attend to and would be going home late, and she'll just end up thinking about it the whole night and not be able to do anything about it, i still told her... maybe it was because i was already panicking, or maybe it's just that telling her on a later time would be worse...

li alen and i then went on to talk about the plans for the lay-out... jaymee was with us at first but she went home ahead of us... by that time my panic was already mixed with other feelings... add hunger to that and you have me in a bad mood... (it's not really bad as in depressed or anything, but bad as in you wouldn't want me in this mood, especially since i should be doing some thinking...) after thinking about it, and after the many suggestions they give (of which i'm trying to ignore, maybe because i see the bad side), i finally decided to leave it to them because they wouldn't really listen to me anyway... (unless i can give them a win-win situation, which i couldn't at that time...), i just told them to at least sleep four hours before going to the mock fun run...

afterwards i went with the pc's (apcg) to listen (yes, listen, we didn't have tickets) to the stephen speaks concert... i actually had tickets but i sold them... (ok, i had problems with selling them, because at first no one would buy them, then all of them suddenly confirms they're going to buy them... i feel bad for the others, but i couldn't do anything about it... maybe just think about what might happen first before going into this kind of thing again -> selling tickets)... the concert didn't start on time (i didn't expect it to), and i ended up leaving without even hearing a word or line from them...

li and alen went to eat when i left them... i was actually contacting them while waiting for the concert to start since it came to me that i'm not getting anything out of the concert but they weren't answering... hmm... maybe they got sick of my panicking and inefficient suggestions... (ok, i'm not going to believe they didn't know i was calling/texting the until when they replied, it's one excuse they could have given, but i never asked them anyway...) li actually replied, and when i called her up, she said they were already leaving... i already had something on my mind that time... i wanted to try to move the deadline... ok, that's not really right but i was desperate... since they went home already... i just asked li to contact sir dayrit and to ask things that i might use in the "postponing the deadline plan"... i could have done it myself but i didn't want to talk to/text sir dayrit with that mood...

i didn't really get anything out of that and the plan was scrapped... after going home, i decided not to bug them anymore since they have stuff to do and are probably annoyed with me already... i was also tired and stress out so i just decided to sleep...

ok, that was friday... what happened in saturday morning is written above it (mock fun run)...

after the mock fun run, we went out to eat breakfast... we had five and a half hours of break... sir villa then called me up to tell me that the new commandant will conduct an inspection and we should be at the adast by 1130, two hours before our initial afternoon call time... since half went home, they had to text the new call time... this was such a hassle to everyone, but i really had no other choice... i tried telling sir villa that the others are already home but he insisted that we contact them... ugh! oh well...

after some time, i found out that the lay-put was almost done and tricia already finished the photo essay... this was good, but because of the impending inspection, it was panic time again...

after getting to adast at 1200 (those who got their early found out that the call time was 1200, and li texted me that), i was irritated that sir villa wasn't their... it didn't come to me immediately that he had a class... he later arrived, and after sometime, i realized that time was being wasted and i asked if i can pull the lay-out team to work on the lay-out... he agreed and we went on to work on it...

the lay-out was finished (and printed) around 1615, and was photocopied at 1630... sir villa was the one who took it and gave it to the higher officers (after giving announcements)... we had a moment of relief after that...

by the way, the inspection didn't push through, and the rest practically did nothing from the time we left to around 1600... ugh!

after fixing our stuff, we were by the foyer, waiting (for each other) and at the same time resting... sir villa then came back to tell us that sir mama is planning to put an article in it and the money will come with the article... that sort of ended the moment of relief... because it wasn't over after all...

i told alen (and also li) friday night that if it wasn't over by yesterday, i won't be handling it anymore... it's still not over... will i keep my word and stop handling it? or will i continue to, because my job is not yet finished?

i actually just finished editing the articles before typing this post... they are just minor mistake in consistency, but i guess that's it, i guess it's time to give up after the those stressful two days... i guess i'm not being productive in my job and should just let them be...

the reason i had a hard time thinking of the set-up for the lay-outing friday night was because i was aware that they had a busy week and that they need rest... the paper wasn't my number one priority then but them... was that wrong? would i have just agreed to the deadline and let them be? i don't know, but i was like this since high school, although it was less complicated then because i had less superiors, i still placed the welfare of the staff before the job... i don't really believe that the end justifies the mean...

but the fact that i couldn't think of a decent plan was bad... the mere fact that i was panicking was bad... this was what i didn't want to happen... this was the reason i didn't want to be left alone, because i don't really make logical decisions and someone else should make them... yes, i use to do that in high school... i use to lead... but now it's different, i don't know... maybe the responsibility is just greater now...

do i regret what i did? not really... some, but not all... i don't regret thinking of the staff first, and the job after... i would have done everything just for them to have time to rest if i knew how to, but i didn't...

now i ask myself why i'm still in this job... i know i'm just a writer, not really an editor, i know i can't do this alone, but i have to...

is it better to just give up? i know it's never good to give up but it is also good to know when to retreat to be able to fight another day...

is it better if i just didn't care? if i just let things happen? no... not while i'm in my position, because as long as i'm an editor, i should do my job... or at least try to... if i don't want to, then i guess it's better to just resign...

i alread spent an hour and thirty minutes typing this... why? i should be studying, or at least resting... it not as if anyone's going to read all of this... it's not even as if anyone cares... it's not a question of "can" read bt of "want to" read... i tried pasting this in word i already exceeded three pages at font 10... who'd want to read that much of my thoughts?

up to know, i'm guessing my blog is at around 18 pages... so after posting this, this would be about 1/7th of my whole blog...

i'm posting this in blogstudio... i don't really know why not blurty... i limited the thoughts that i placed so i can put it under the "pc" category...

why did i bother typing this? so i could clear it off of my mind for awhile... at least for enough time to let me study...

i still have a lot of things of my mind... a lot of confusing things... but as much as want to post them all, i know i have to stop, that is should start studying... maybe some other time...

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forsakenabyss 16:20 - [Link]
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... i just posted my previous message... and i typed it two days ago... argh!

i can't post in blogstudio when i'm in ctc... tsk, what could be wrong with their servers?! i also can't check yahoo mail (as well as yahoo groups...) ...

good thing i can still post in blurty... hmm... i just realized that what i'm doing (having two blogs) isn't going to work out... i guess i'll have to stick with blurty... for now. oh well...

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forsakenabyss 20:24 - [Link]
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ok, i know i already have an account in blurty but i still had the urge to blog here so that's what i'm doing now...

i'm here in ctc waiting for my class at 12... tsk, another boring hour and a half of theories (of personality)...

after thinking about my post yesterday (new scheme), i realized that i don't really write everything i think of in this blog, there's still that filter that keeps me from writing everything... that's good, but i still feel like i'm not thinking before writing here... oh well...

in had my eco test this morning, it was ok, given the time i spent studying for it, but i knew i could have done better... tsk, how am i going to catch up with my academics if i'm like this? argh! ...

i was exploring jaymee's site (nope, i'm not going to link it now...) and i saw the links page... my blogged is link! but the description contained "sir" and "BadZ`" together... and i don't really like them to be connected... actually, i don't like anything connected with "BadZ`"... i first thought of telling her when i see her this week, then i figured i might forget to, so i decided to post in her tag board, then i figured an email would be better... but i opted not to, thinking it was her site and i can't really tell her what to put in it... (but i'd really appreciate it if it was "BadZ`" thare, without the "sir" ... hehe

hmm...it's 1130, i should get my stuff from the locker...

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forsakenabyss 11:30 - [Link]
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i finally decided to transfer to blurty... (the one twinnie suggested...)

i'm still trying to figure it out but it's a little less complicated than blogstudio...

blurty account

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forsakenabyss 11:52 - [Link]
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hindi ko pala nalagay nung saturday na birthday ni monte... pero hindi ko nakalimutang itext siya...

yung lang...

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forsakenabyss 11:26 - [Link]
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... for some reason, i decided to change my whole blogging scheme... maybe it came with me differentiating a blog from an active journal... the thought just occurred to me: it's a little too risky to just write here whatever comes to my mind without really thinking about it. it's not that i'm going to stop writing my thoughts (which would mean very short posts), rather, i should think about what i'm writing before actually posting it...

this actually beats me saying sorry for any tactless remark i'd put in the future... hehe

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forsakenabyss 11:08 - [Link]
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... um, ok, sandali na lang ako online but i still decided to pst something...

actually, wala naman talaga akong masasabi ngayon, mag-ddc na kasi ako... bukas ko na lang siguro ilalabas yung mga naiisip ko...

bakit pa ako nagpost? wala lang...

life ends when you don't give a damn anymore...

la lang, sig ng wisdom-2001 egroups... hmm...

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forsakenabyss 21:17 - [Link]
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ok... tatlong araw na ako hindi nakakapagonline... hmm... hindi ko pa napopost yung isang blog ko (nung wednesday ko pa ata tinype yun...)...

kay lappy (name of laptop) ni li ako nagttype ngayon, sana mamaya mapost ko ito, kung hindi mamaya, malamang bukas ...

di ko pala nalagay dito yung sched ko kahapon, dapat maghapon akong may gagawin, pero napostpone siya...

eto yung original sched:
830: sci10
930: pc shift
1030: history (film showing)
1130: SA prelims
1230: sit-in sa psy 101 class ni sir oli
1330: meet ing for dev psy project
1430: guidance interview
1530: present the groceries (carlo's contest)
1850: IAC championship round

eto yung nangyari:
830: sci10
930: pc shift
1030: history (film showing)
1130: SA pointers
1430: guidance interview
1850: IAC championship round

hindi na kami nakapag sit-in sa class ni sir oli kasim may gagawin daw si shirlyn... yung dev psy meeting , nausog sa 1530... yung sa contest ni carlo ginawa naming 2 na lang....

natalo kamin sa contest ni carlo... hindi ko na pala naexplain yun, since talo kami, tinatamad na ako iexplain... pero yung main goal niya e mabili namin yung pinapabili with the least money... talo kami by 23 pesos... tsk!

midterms ni twinnie sa math11 kahapon... obvious na kinakabahan siya... naalala ko tuloy yung midterms ko dati... um, ayoko na maulit yun...

si jaymee din pala nagmidterms, pero hindi ko siya nakita... sayang, nakayellow daw siya kahapon... (sino ba nagsabi sakin nun?!) ... sabi kasi ng friend ni tricia "yellow" induces thinking... kaya pala madalas nakayellow si carlo... hehe

talo kami sa IAC kahapon.... um, expected naman yun kasi mas mataas yung placing nung kalaban namin... pero at least alam nila na dapat kaming seryosohin... kasi nung humabol na kami tsaka lang sila nag-press... nagpanic din...

haha, aliw! nakakuha ako ng jersey... dapat wala e, kaso binigyan na nila kami ni pau, kasi lagi naman kaming nandun kahit hindi kami masyadong nakakalaro... ok lang naman sakin na wala, malamang sa kanila din, pero gusto ko din... buti na lang mabait yung teammates ko... galing, eksakto pa yung na nakuha ko... hmm... aliw!

ok lang yung talo namin, pero sana matino yung game... may mga reklamo ako, hmm... kakaiba siya kasi mas madami akon reklamo sa teammates ko, kadalasan baligtad, pero at least masaya yung game... may next year pa naman e...

hmm... napansin ko na kakaiba yung post ko ngayon, medyo hindi siya puno ng mga malalim kong iniisip... dahil siguro marami akong kasama ngayon at hindi ako napapaisip...

hmm... naisip ko na din kung ano gagawin ko sa problema ko, um, sa tingin ko the best way to solve it is to confront it... (yes, sa tingin ko lang to, at malamang mali ako...)... iniintay ko lang yung time na pwede siya... medyo alangan pa yun kung kelan, medyo busy siya e... hmm... ako din magiging busy na... kailangan ko ng bumawi sa academics ko... tsk, at least i hope tama pa yung time at makakabawi ako... sana...

speaking of next week, i'm predicting maraming magbabago next week... um, hindi ko na muna ilalagay dito, pero medyo obvious yun e... actually ngayong week pa lang madami ng nagbago, mas magiging obvious lang siya next week... haay... malamang wala na akong ibang choice kung hindi tanggapin yan, ayoko, pero wala naman akong magagawa e... para kasing ako lang ang may pakialam... hmm... ako nga lang ata... tsk...

medyo mahaba na ito, siguro tama na muna to, haha, sa tingin ko wala ng magbabasa nito, ang hahaba nila tapos pointless din naman...

pero bago yun, naalala ko pala na alam ko na kung ano pinagkaiba ng blog sa active journal... sa blog (since web log siya) nilalagay yung mga nangyayari... tapos sa active journal, kahit ano pero may emphasis dun sa mga iniisip... yes, hindi nasusunod to, at hindi naman siya kailangan sundin, pero at least naisip ko na kung ano pinagkaiba nila...

hmm... ok na muna yun, aalis na kami (nakina alen kami, nanunuod sila ng "ring"...)

oo nga pala, saturday, february 1 ko tinype to... 1215...

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forsakenabyss 12:15 - [Link]
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hindi na ako magoonline ngayon kaya a notepad ko muna ginagawa to... january 29... 22:10... bukas ko na lang siguro ipopost to, o kung kelan ako may time magonline...

bakit ko kailangan gawin ngayon to? la lanmg... wala akong makulit e... tsaka gusto ko ding maglabas ng mga bagay sa isip ko... pero malamang hindi mahaba ito, bukas ko na lang siguro ilalagay yung iba...

hmm... parang ayoko na din umpisahan, mabibitin lang ako, e hindi ko naman siya pwede pahabain kasi 730 yung class ko bukas, may paascu kaya hindi ako pwede ma-late...

pwero gusto ko pa din mag-blog... hmm...

may naisip pala akong idagdag sa categories...

bsp - my bsp friends... (konti lang ito kasi wala na akong communication sa kanila...)

random thoughts - insights about certain topis... (parang mini essays... or editorials... basta... obvious yung pinagkaiba niya sa general, me, at others...)

yun lang muna... magdadagdag na lang ako pag may naisip na ako ulit...

isa pa pala, naisip ko lang na may mga panahon na medyo magiging tactless ako dito sa blog... mga iniisip ko to e, kaya madalas hindi ko na iisipin kung hhsino magbabasa... madalas... sorry na lang sa ma-ooffend ko...

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dagdag ko lang, (january 29 pa din to, mga 22:25)...

naisip ko na kung anong gagawin... dapat nga na kausapin ko na lang siya... kaso, kelan? parang masyado siyang busy e... hindi ko masabi kung ayaw din muna niya akong kausapin, kasi halata naman na madami siyang ginagawa... pero hindi ko mapigilang isipin na ayaw din niyang makipagusap...

*um, kung nababasa mo ito, sorry... hindi sa ayoko maniwala, pero mahirap na hindi isipin yun e...*

actually, nagbigay naman siya ng time na pwede siya, kaso may gagawin din siya nun e... kaya sabi ko wag na lang muna, next time na lang...

tama na muna to...

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forsakenabyss 22:10 - [Link]
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ok, bakit pa ako online? wala lang... nagungulit lang...

actually gusto ko sagutan yung test na pinadala ni alen (unintelligent test... hehe)...

gusto ko din magblog...

malapit na ako sumuko dito blogstudio, bukod sa hirap niya ayusin, nagdodown pa server... haay...

um, yung pinagiisipan ko kanina medyo napadali na napahirap... kasi hindi na ako nagdecide sa gagawin ko, kaso, hindi ko pa din alam kung alin ang mas tamang gawin ngayon... nakakalito na talaga... oh well... bvalik na naman ako dun sa bahala na muna... at least for now...

ayoko na muna siya isipin... may maghapon pa naman bukas e... hmm... sana ok yung mga classes bukas at sa thursday, nandyan na ang paascu e... (naalala ko tuloy, meron akong matagal ng iniisip tungkol sa paascu... next time na lang siguro...)

kachat ko si twinnie at sir jason... labo nila... hmm... hindi ko masisisi, malabo din naman ako the past few days e...

pero napapaisip ako... haha, eto na naman ako, nagiisip... hmm... tsk...
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forsakenabyss 23:17 - [Link]
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ok, medyo nalilito na ako ngayon...

bago yun, naisip ko lang, bakit kapag madami akong sinasabi filipino yung gamit ko? hmm... naalala ko tuloy yung tanong ng fil-12 teacher ko dati, kung ano ginagamit ko pag nagiisip ako... di ko na masyadong pinagisipan yun, obvious naman yung sagot e... syempre filipino...

pero minsan malalim din ako magisip, tapos english ang gamit ko... hmm... siguro nasa kung alin na lang yung nangingibabaw... yung pag-iisip ko o yung nararamdaman ko... yun sigurpo yung difference... siguro...

anyway, lalo pa atang nagpalito yun... hindi talaga yun yung dahilan ba't ako nalilito...

bakit kung kelan naisip ko na siya ng mabuti tsaka magkakaganon? sign ba yun na mali yung gagawin ko dapat? oo, ayaw ko naman talaga siya gawin, pero para kasiong dapat na e... ano o, maghihintay na naman ako? ugh...

parang aasa na naman ako tapos wala din... talagang bumalik pa siya dun sa gaya ng dati, parang pinaalala sakin yung pinagkaiba noon tsaka ngayon... tapos bumalik na naman siya sa katotohanan... para bang binigyan lang ajko ng pagkakataon balikan yung dati, hindi ko na masyadong inisip yun kagabi, pero ngayon, sayang... kasi malamang hindi na maulit yun...

malamang may nagbabasa na nito na nalalabuan... haha, hindi ko ipapaliwanag, kung naasasar na sila dahil sa kalabuan nito, e di wag nila basahin... hehe.. masama ako...

masyado siyang ironic... gusto mo pero ayaw mo... alam mong masaya siya pero alam mo na hindi din tatagal... alam mong kapag lalo kang umasa, lalo ka lang din masasaktan sa huli... pero hindi mo pa din alam kung ano gagawin... sabog.

minsan madali sumuko, pabayaan na lang... bahala na. pero madalas, kapag ganito nangyari, dito nangagaling yung pagsisisi... mahirap isipin ano mangyayari pag ganito ginawa ko, o pag ganyan... mahirap tantsahin, mahirap pangunahan...

minsan iniisip ko, pano kung kausapin ko na lang... mas madali yun... kaso, maiintindihan ba niya ako? malamang hindi... yun ay kung papayag siya makipag-usap, kasi malamang hindi din... para bang wala akong choice kundi pumili, kaso alanganin pareho... perehong gusto ko pero ayaw ko... parehong hindi ko alam ang mangyayari pagkatapos... angf mahirap dito, kailanagn ko na isipin ngayon... haay...

tama na nga muna yan...

hmm... ngayon ko lang napansin, hindi nagbago yung time nung pinost ko kanina na mahaba, dapat 1130 pa yun e... buti pala sinave ko sa disk, kung hindi sayang naman siya...

tsk, ayaw niya magpost... susuko na ako sa blogstudio... hmm... sana mas ok yung blurty...

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forsakenabyss 19:30 - [Link]
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hmm... may mga nakalimutan pala ako ilagay kanina...

isa na ito: (kagabi ko pa iniisip...)


"why is it that the people that can make you smile are also the people that make you cry?"


actually nakalimutan ko yung exact quote kaya binago ko na lang...

may naisip na din akong sagot sa kanya....

"because those people are the people that you care about... those people are the ones that matter in your life... those people are already part of your life"

wala lang... madyo sablay pa siya, pero ok na sigurong umpisa yan dun sa sagot...

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forsakenabyss 19:02 - [Link]
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haay... naalala ko na naman yung mood ko kagabi, medyo mas ok na ako ngayon, pero sabog pa din...

tapos na yung mga test ko... hindi ko nakuha yung sa eco kasi mas pinagaralan ko yung sa dev psych... yung sa dev psych naman, ok lang... malaki ang pag-asa na pumasa ako, pero hindi lang yun ang habol ko, kailangan ko ng panghatak sa grades... dun ako aalangan...

hindi lang pala isa may alam nitong blog ko, hindi ko na sigurado kung sino sino talaga... oh well, ok lang naman... para naman kasing may magbabasa talaga nito...

... naghihintay na lang ako sa class... hindi kami natuloy sa lunch ng classmates ko sa history... (susubukan sana namin yung iseserve namin sa asian festival sa february...) ... kakaasar... tama kasi sila e (yung mga naghintay kaso hindi natuloy...) bakit ganun yung block namin? hiwahiwalay... oh well... masasanayb din siguro sila (sila yung mga bago sa block this sem at last sem lang nasama...)

anong gagawin ko ng isang oras??? hmm... parang ganito ako nung first year ahh... nasa internet lang pag break... ayoko na ng ganito... kaso wala akong makasama e...

sila twinnie, jaymee at li may class, sila alen at pau umuwi na... hmm... si migs naghahanap ng fax para sa journ practicum niya... sa pc room naman wala masyado tao... tsaka mainit... hehe... mas malamig dito sa lab ng ctc, bago pa kasi... wala pang madaming tao... mabilis pa yung conection... pero, kahit na... ayoko na bumalik sa ganito...

naasar na nga sakin si twinnie kahapon... kulit ko naman kasi e... dapat kaya na hindi ko na muna siya kulitin this week? may midterms kasi sa math sa friday yun, tapos may prelims naman ako ng friday sa SA... hmm... ewan ko, hindi ko na alam ang gagawin ko... bahala na lang... hindi ko alam ano mas makakabuti e... (pero kutob ko ayaw muna niya akong mangulit... kung diretso lang takbo ng isip ko, maniniwala na agad ako sa kutob na yun...)

nakita ko si alen kanina, sobrang sobrang sabog niya dahil sa midterms... hindi pa niya nababasa yung iniwan ko sa locker tungkol sa contest ni carlo... isa pa yun, pano ko kaya matatapos yun, sa friday na yung deadline (tsaka ko na lang ipapaliwanag kung ano yun...)... haay..

ok din pala tong blog kahit papano, ang dami kong nasusulat kahit naasar ako sa lay-out niya... tinatamad pa din akong palitan e... hirap naman kasi... tinuro sakin ni twinnie yung blurty... mas ok siya dito, kasi pwede sin siyang parang message board... kaso wala pa akong time intindihin e... mas simple siya at mas maganda... sabi ko sa summer na lang siguro, pero baka next week pag hindi na ganun ka busy yung sched lumipat na ako dun...

gusto ko na ayusin yung site ko... may naisip na talaga akong lay-out... tutulungan daw ako ni twinnie na gawin... kaso wala siyang time ngayon kaya wag na muna... pag natapos ko yun, mauumpisahan ko na yung wisdom (oo, alam ko, matagal na to, magdadalawang taon na... konting hintay na lang... hehe)...

30 mins pa halos ang hihintayin ko... tapos personality (yung subject ko) na naman... sobrang boring, kahit ata yung teacher inaantok sa sarili niya e...

tapos PE, iniisip ko pa kung magpapalate ako hindi na... gusto ko maginterview kay twinnie para sa tutee interview niya, pero ayaw niya... (at least yun yung iniisip ko kahit sinasabi niya na wala siyang pakialam...), hindi na lang siguro... ay, may tatanong pala dapat ako kay cris o lizzie... sana abutan ko sila sa pc room mamaya...

may game kami sa friday... 18:50 siya kasi may midterms si tristan at aldbrian hanggang 6:30... "pusoy" yung kalabanan namin... pangalawa sa division nila... may pagasa kaya kami? parang wala... pero hindi ko pwede isipin yun... basta sana maganda yung laro at hindi si kambal (kahit alin sa dalawa) yun ref...

kung sakali, last game na namin yun... ok din na season to, hindi siya sobrang ganda pero tama na para sa unang season... sana mas ok next year...

nung kausap ko si migs kahapon parang hindi siya sigurado kung sasali kami next year... ano to, nagkatamaran na? hsana hindi... malamang sila cho gusto pa din sumali, hatakan na lang siguro ulit... kaso kung wala si migs iba na yung lagay... tsk...

bumagal bigla yung server... ano to, hindi ko na mapopost yung blog ko??? kakaasar yun ah... sana maayos na... (hmm... isasave ko siguro ito sa dixk para sigurado na din, kung hindi ko mapost ngayon, mamayang gabi na lang...

uy, ok na ata siya... yey!

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forsakenabyss 11:30 - [Link]
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hmm... dami ko palang typo dun sa sinulat ko kagabi... oh well... makakatamad ng palitan...
forsakenabyss 11:01 - [Link]
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ok, hindi pala siya gagana kapag inuni-unti ko yung lagay... masyadong mabagal mag-load... tsk...

anyway, kailangan ko mag-aral, kaso maraming pa akong ibang iniisip...

yung sa sagot sa tanong ko kanina, kung bakit ako online, kasi gusto ko mag-blog... kaninang umaga ko pa iniisip to, papunta pa lang ako sa school... kaso mukhang dumami na yung ilalagay ko...


why is it that good things don't last?
and when you find out it's about to go, you do everthing you can to save it...
you're not sure if you're doing the right thing...
but you're still holding on to it...
dreaming...
hoping...
for some time it will work...
it'll also hold on to you...
and when you think it's about to go back, you lose your grip...
you cling on to it...
still dreaming...
still hoping...
then it let's go...
but you still have a hold...
light as it can be...
then you realize it doesn't make sense...
because it is not complete if it's just you...
and at last you let it go...
knowing it's the right thing to do...
knowing it will end someday, and it's better to do it now...
but still...
it will pull you down...
it will rattle your brains...
it will confuse your thoughts...
and then what?


*sigh* this is depressing... to think i'm already depressed... add to that the stress... and the pressure...

dati, kaya kong sabihin na wala to, kakayanin ko... dati sigurado ako na papasa ako sa exam ko bukas, kahit madaming ibang bagay sa isip ko...

ngayon? hindi ko alam...
ayoko na isipin, iba lang ang naiisip ko e...

why make a blog if you don't want anyone to read it?

bakit nga ba? hmm... isa pa lang yung may alam na may blog ako... plano ko sabihin kay joink pag tapos na yung site ko para i-link niya sa site niya... (tsk, naunahan pa niya ako gumawa ng site...) ... siya pa lang kilala kong may web site sa wisdom, alam ko si kelvin at mines gagawa din, pero mukhang busy sila masyado e...

gusto ko bang may magbasa nito? ok lang... para naman kasing may magtiyatiyaga... halos wala din namang kwenta yung laman e...

kaya gagawin ko muna yung site bago sabihin sa iba... meron na akong plano sa site, pati lay-out... problema ko na lang kung pano ko gagawin...

pati yung sinabi kong site ng wisdom na gagawin ko may plano na ako, mmedyo malabo nga lang...

sana sipagin na ako sa summer... o kahit next week, kung hindi na ganun ka hectic ang schedule...

nasagot ko na ba yung tanong? hindi pa ata...

gagawa ka ng blog para malabas mo yung iniisip mo... pati yung mga bagay na hindi mo masabi sa iba... o wala kang pagsasabihan... tama yung sinabi sakin dati, mas madali mag-isip ng tamang gagawin kung may pinagsasabihan ka, kasi linilinaw mo kahit sa sarili mo... hindi sila halo-halo sa utak mo...

gagawa ka ng blog para basahin mo ulit... para matuto ka sa mga nangyari... minsan iba pagtingin mo sa mga bagay bagay, depende kung kelan mo iisipin... para malaman mo kung tama nga talaga o mali yung ginawa mo...

*parang marami ng mali sa grammar ko... tinatamad na akong tignan, tsaka na lang kung sipagin, o wag na lang... gusto ko lang magtype...*

minsan magulo pag lagi kang nagiisip... nagkakaroon ng away sa isip mo...na kahit alam mong mali yung gagawin mo, ginagawa mo pa din... hindi mo na iniisip kung bakit... malalaman mo na lang kapag may nangyari na dahil dun...

langya, parang hindi pa ako nakikitang ganito mag-isip ng wisdom ah... anbo kaya iisipin nila? hmm... ewan, magulo na siya masyado, hindi ko na matantsa kung ano... siguro magugulat na lang sila... na hindi ko din naisip lahat... na mas madaling tumulong sa problema ng iba, pero pag ako na may problema, hindi ko na kaya...

ako may problema? hmm... bago din yon, lalo na sa block... konti lang kasi sa wisdom ang nakakaalam na may problema ako, kadalasan pa dun, yung pagkakasabi ko sa problema ko, parang kayang kaya ko, kaya hindi din lumalabas na namromroblema ako... o di kaya yung sinasabi kong problema yung mabababaw lang... bakit kaya? kasi ayoko isipin yung problema ko? hmm...

sa block naman, kala nila wala akong problema... pati sa academics... ako daw yung matalinong tamad... aaminin ko, tamad ako, pero matalino? mahirap sabihin... iba na kasi yung sukatan, hindi lang yung grade... kaso ang problema, kailangang mataas din yung grade e... may oras pa ako para humabol, pero kaya ko pa ba?

hindi halata ng block na may problema ako, bakit kaya? psych majors naman sila... siguro dahil hindi ko napapahalata... minsan hindi siya halata kung ayaw ko talaga ipahalata... kaso minsan kahit hindi ko na tinatago hindi pa din nila nahahalata...

kahit yung apcg ganun din... sabagay, karamihan naman dun kablock ko... tsk, oh well...

sa pc lang ata may nakakahalata, siguro kasi dun naman ako madalas... tama ba yun o mali? ewan ko... tsaka ko na lang pagiisipan, wag ngayon...

kanina ko pa kinukulit si twinnie, wala naman kasi akong ibang makulit e... masyadong malayo batangas para kulitin si monte, tsaka parang hindi ko na makukulit yun, dumami pa ata problema nun nung nawala sa manila e... si jay naman alangan din, kasi sasabihi lang nun kung ano tamang gawin, minsan kulang yun, ayoko naman siyang guluhin pa at ipaliwanag pa lahat... kaya si twinnie na lang... asar na sakin yun, nalalabuan na... kahit naman ako nalalabuan na sa sarili ko e... dun pa lang sa mga pinbagsusulat ko dito... sabog. alam kong kailangan ko na mag-aral,mpero hindi ko pa magawa, tsk... hindi, gagaiwn ko na siya... ako din magsisisi e...

dapat bang hindi na lang ako mangulit? kasi naasar lang siya? e hindi ko naman mapapaliwanag kung bakit kaya hindi rin mawawala nung pagkalabo nung mga sinasabi ko... kahit ako malalabuan e...

ngayon naiintindihan ko na myung mga sating pinapabayaan ko na lang kasi hindi ko masagot... yung mgfa "bakit ganyan sila mag-isip?" kaso, ngayong alam ko na, hindi ko pa din masagot... basta ganito e...

pahabol, sasali kami ni alen sa contest ni carlo, pag sinipag ako, ilalagay ko dito yung mechanics (summary) pero hindi ngayon... aral muna... hindi din siguro sa thursday, medyo tagilid ang lagay ko sa prelims sa friday pag hindi ako nag-aral e...

haay... minsan mahirap masyado mag-isip, lalo na kung naghahalohalo sila... yung philosophy side ko, tapos yung emotions... dagdag pa yung mga alam ko sa psych, at yung paganalyze ko sa sarili ko... minsan pag alam mo na kung ba't ganun ka mag-isip hindi mo rin matatama... hindi pa...

tsaka ko na lang itutuloy to, kailangan na magbasa... pag di ko na lang ulit kaya...

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forsakenabyss 20:37 - [Link]
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i don't know what i'm doing online... i should be studying... this is bad... tsk tsk...
forsakenabyss 19:34 - [Link]
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ngayong naisip ko... parang this week din ang birthday ni carlo... (tuesday ata..)

hmm... wala na akong balita dun since grad... musta na kaya yun?

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forsakenabyss 14:02 - [Link]
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nakalimutan ko ilagay dun sa mga things next week na birthday ni gio sa wednesday...

(*thanks for reminding me* -> no, i am not talking to myself... um, in a way (labo... hahaha) ... )

now i hope i don't forget this on wednesday...

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forsakenabyss 13:59 - [Link]
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the lay-out is boring... it's so plain... ;(

the title really fits it: "basic"

what makes it worse is that i can't do anything about it right now...

this means i'll be contented in blogging here until i have time to change the lay-out...

plain... boring...

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forsakenabyss 10:47 - [Link]
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ugh! i'm trying to fix the template but i think i need more help on this because the site doesn't really explain things... i guess i'll have to figure this out some other time...

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forsakenabyss 10:37 - [Link]
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next week is going to be a busy week for me...

monday:
1630: IAC GA... (scheduling of game...)
1630: carlo's projsct GA (wala pa din kaming nakikita na pwede pumunta dito...)

tuesday:
730: eco quiz
900: dev psy LT
1030: test food (wasabe ice cream) in sushiya (the one we'll be serving in the asian festival *history project*)

wednesday:
*PAASCU day 1*
1630: guidance testing

thursday:
*PAASCU day 2*

friday:
1130: SA prelims
1430: guidance interview
1930: IAC game

saturday:
*rotc*

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forsakenabyss 09:07 - [Link]
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ok, for my categories:

general: um, no explanation needed for this one (an example would be this post)

me: yeah, everything here is in a way about me, so why the category "me"? hmm... this is about my thoughts...

home: my family...

school: my life in school (in general...)

academics: school stuff with grades...

wisdom: my friends/stories from high school...

pc: my friends/stories from the rotc presscorps...

apcg: my friends/stories from the perr councelors group...

others: um, those which doesn't fit with the categories above...

*i'll add more categories soon...*

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forsakenabyss 08:53 - [Link]
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haha! i already figured what it's for... (for the "archive search" function) hehe... i just need time to learn this set-up after all... oh, and patience too...

i'm, planning to make basic categories... (i think this is what the feature is for anyway) i guess i'll just post them next time...

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forsakenabyss 22:24 - [Link]
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hmm... i guess i couldn't wait for feb. 1, ang tagal e... oh well...

hindi ko alam kung para saan yung "title" at "category" na option every post, hindi ko kasi siya nakitang lumabas sa site e... pero inisipan ko na lang din sila ng silbi...

marami pa akong dapat alamin dito sa blogstudio...
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forsakenabyss 21:55 - [Link]
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i need a better template, but not now, maybe next time...

at least i figured out the basics today... hehe

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forsakenabyss 22:00 - [Link]
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um, i'm still trying to learn how to use this...

the more flexible the service is, the more complicated it is, ugh!

oh well...

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forsakenabyss 21:51 - [Link]
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i finally gave up with my html blog (in my unfinished website) and decided to use this free blog service. it's easier.

it was hard to choose which one to use because i don't have any idea which is good, i just picked the one that appealed to me the most (thanks to google!

is blogstudio good? i guess i'll find out sooner or later...

i actually also decided to start blogging on the first of february, so the stuff i've written so far is just my "welcome note" (i'm not in the mood to make a better one so this will have to do)...

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forsakenabyss 21:24 - [Link]
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