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Saturday, March 29, 2003
In the mail by John Cleese
----- Original Message -----
From: "Jacques & Welmoed"
To: "Reitze
Sent: 28 March, 2003 17:59
*Other Axis of Evil Wannabes** by John Cleese Bitter after being snubbed for membership in the "Axis of evil", Libya, China and Syria today announced that they had ormed the "Axis of Just as Evil", which they said would be more evil than that stupid Iran-Iraq-North Korea axis President Bush warned of in his State of the Union address. Axis of Evil members, however, immediately dismissed the new Axis as having, for starters, a really dumb name. "Right. They are just as evil.. . in their dreams!" declared North Korean leader Kim Jong-il. "Everybody knows we're the best evils . . . best at being evil ...we're the best." Diplomats from Syria denied they were jealous over being excluded, although they conceded they did ask if they could join the Axis of Evil. "They told us it was full," said Syrian President Bashar al-Assad. "An axis can't have more than three counties", explained Iraqi President Saddam Hussein. "This is not my rule, it's tradition. In World War II you had Germany, Italy, and Japan in the evil Axis. So, you can only have three, and a secret handshake. Ours is wickedly cool." International reaction to Bush's Axis of Evil declaration was swift, as within minutes, France surrendered. Elsewhere, peer-conscious nations rushed to gain triumvirate status in what has become a game of geopolitical chairs. Cuba, Sudan and Serbia announced that they had formed the "Axis of Somewhat Evil", forcing Somalia to join with Uganda and Myanmar in the "Axis of Occasionally Evil", while Bulgaria, Indonesia and Russia established the "Axis of Not So Much Evil Really as Just Generally Disagreeable".
With the criteria suddenly expanded and all the desirable clubs
filling up, Sierra Leone, El Salvador, and Rwanda applied to be
called the "Axis of Countries That Aren't the Worst But
Certainly Won't Be Asked to Host the Olympics". Canada, Mexico
and Australia formed the "Axis of Nations That Are Actually Quite
Nice But
Secretly Have Some Nasty Thoughts About America", while
Scotland, New Zealand and Spain established the "Axis of
Countries That Want Sheep to Wear Lipstick". "That's not a
threat, really, just something we like to do", said Scottish Executive First Minister Jack McConnell.
While wondering if the other nations of the world weren't
perhaps making fun of him, a cautious Bush granted approval for
most axis, although he rejected the establishment of the "Axis
of Countries Whose Names End in 'Guay", accusing one of its
members of filing a false application. Officials from
Paraguay, Uruguay, and Chadguay denied the charges. Israel, meanwhile, insisted it didn't want to join any Axis,
but privately world leaders said that's only because no one
asked them.
daisycutter 3/29/2003 2:58:57 AM - [Link]
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Friday, March 28, 2003
German
German language for the holidays.
HEN-da hoakh
kai-na B?VAY-goong
VA-fen nee-der-lay-gen
daisycutter 3/28/2003 9:51:15 PM - [Link]
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4 kopskote
I'm not a regular reader of South African newspapers, but the language sure makes even the war more fun.
'n Britse matroos het aan die dood ontkom toe hy onder kruisvuur beland het en vier skote sy helm, of staaldak in soldate-taal, getref het.
daisycutter 3/28/2003 8:46:15 PM - [Link]
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Misleading domainname: go to jail
Misleading domainname go to jail. It starts of with domainnames luring you to sex sites and before you know it Daisycutter's next for luring bomcrazy "patriotic" warlovers to this "communist threat to democracy and the American way of life".
daisycutter 3/28/2003 6:14:28 PM - [Link]
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Al Jazeera is back
Al Jazeera is back.
daisycutter 3/28/2003 6:04:52 PM - [Link]
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A child's right to be aborted
A Dutch medical center must pay damages to a child and her parents because she was born. The medical center neglected to do proper research on possible genetic disorders.
daisycutter 3/28/2003 5:36:32 PM - [Link]
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Burn Ford
Twelve Fords burned at a Ford dealership in Rome. At the scene of the crime a banner was found saying: "sabotage the imperialistic war".
daisycutter 3/28/2003 4:57:46 PM - [Link]
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Fortuyn killed to protect muslims
Volkert van der G. killed Pim Fortuyn to protect muslims.
Facing a raucous court on the first day of his murder trial, he said his goal was to stop Mr Fortuyn exploiting Muslims as "scapegoats" and targeting "the weak parts of society to score points" to try to gain political power.
daisycutter 3/28/2003 4:48:09 PM - [Link]
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More on civil rights
More on civil rights.
The threats to liberty here pale, of course, in comparison with the threats to life we are visiting upon Iraq. But in Biddle's phrase, we must be "bothered by the Constitution"--both because we can be sure the President will not be, and because the right to dissent and organize here is an essential check on the destruction we wreak abroad in the name of freedom.
daisycutter 3/28/2003 4:35:16 PM - [Link]
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'Die in' Manhattan
215 arrested in 'Die in' in Manhattan.
If the US can fuck international law, why not the constitution.
daisycutter 3/28/2003 4:26:53 PM - [Link]
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Thursday, March 27, 2003
Norway
Norway denies an active part in the war, but opinions vary.
"Utvaer" is monitoring and reporting on shipping in the region, and this information is shared freely with the US and Great Britain, the newspaper Nationen writes. The sub is operating in the same waters from where the US warships are launching their cruising missiles against targets in Iraq, but the Norwegian Defence Department rejects the idea that the "Utvaaer" is also assisting the US in the war against Iraq.
daisycutter 3/27/2003 8:12:09 PM - [Link]
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Canada in Iraq war
Apparently Holland is not the only country to play an unexpected, active part in the Iraq war.
Defence Department officials acknowledged Wednesday that Canadians are aboard American AWACS radar planes helping in the war on Iraq.
daisycutter 3/27/2003 7:32:37 PM - [Link]
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Reports from Bagdad
If you don't believe in Salam Pax, or whatever his name may be, here are some credible reports from Bagdad.
daisycutter 3/27/2003 3:57:27 PM - [Link]
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Saddam Hussein
Saddam Hussein is honorary citizen of Detroit.
daisycutter 3/27/2003 3:41:16 PM - [Link]
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Loglijst
The Loglijst (a list of recently updated Dutch weblogs) registers about 25% of my updates. It's been broken down for a while and Daisycutter is registered twice, and that's good for traffic.
daisycutter 3/27/2003 3:37:23 PM - [Link]
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Let's make a girl
Let's make a girl
Autumn is the season to conceive boys, according to Italian scientists, but those whose hearts are set on a girl can improve their chances by trying for a baby in the spring.
daisycutter 3/27/2003 3:30:42 PM - [Link]
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Nobel peace prize winners arrested
Nobel peace prize winners arrested at anti war protest.
Two Nobel Peace Prize winners, two bishops and Vietnam War activist Daniel Ellsberg were among those arrested near the White House in antiwar protests Wednesday.
daisycutter 3/27/2003 3:07:56 PM - [Link]
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Prostatectomy shortens penis
Prostate surgery may lengthen your life but shortens the penis.
Researchers at the University of Miami in Florida found that men who underwent prostate-removal surgery, known as prostatectomy, experienced a slight decrease in the size of their flaccid and stretched penis. The length of the stretched penis approximates the length of an erect penis.
In most cases, the size difference was quite small. But in 20 percent of the study participants, penile length decreased by at least 15 percent.
daisycutter 3/27/2003 10:20:57 AM - [Link]
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Free press
Al Jazeera appeals to US to ensure free press.
Al-Jazeera, which angered the United States by showing footage of dead and captured American soldiers, said it was deeply concerned after two of its reporters were banned from the New York Stock Exchange and its websites were hacked.
daisycutter 3/27/2003 9:57:31 AM - [Link]
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Wednesday, March 26, 2003
Big brothers make gay
It's not the first time I read theories like this one
A Canadian researcher has found that boys with a statistical average of 2.5 older brothers are twice as likely to be gay as boys with no older brother.
daisycutter 3/26/2003 8:49:56 PM - [Link]
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Statue of liberty attacked
Copy of Statue of liberty attacked.....in France.
"Vandals attacked a copy of the Statue of Liberty in the southern French town of Bordeaux, spraying it with red paint and setting fire to it, the mayor's office said on Wednesday."
daisycutter 3/26/2003 8:03:45 PM - [Link]
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Burn baby burn!
War Porn. Safe for work.
daisycutter 3/26/2003 1:24:47 PM - [Link]
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How to put out oil well fires
I used to wonder how it was done.
daisycutter 3/26/2003 1:20:50 PM - [Link]
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No Basra uprising
No Basra uprising according to Al Jazeera.
"The streets of Basra are very calm and there are no indications of violence or riots," Jazeera's Basra correspondent Mohammed al-Abdallah told the Qatar-based network."
daisycutter 3/26/2003 1:05:38 PM - [Link]
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Pakistan goes Taliban
Pakistan province votes on implementing sharia, islamic law.
In some ways, the proposed laws are a diluted version of the sharia practiced by the Taliban. Girls will be required to cover their heads with scarves, but won't need to entirely veil themselves. And rather than banning education for women, the new laws will require separate universities for men and women. Yet many here fear the laws are a prelude to the Taliban's harsher practices
daisycutter 3/26/2003 12:57:58 PM - [Link]
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Endless pride
In these times of endless American pride illinois also flourishes. After 185 years it has it's official state snackfood: popcorn.
daisycutter 3/26/2003 12:32:43 PM - [Link]
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Crew ejection system
Space shuttle needs crew ejection system.
daisycutter 3/26/2003 12:21:02 PM - [Link]
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A man and his wallet
Men and money.
daisycutter 3/26/2003 11:59:07 AM - [Link]
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Censorship
News site that published pictures of POW's shut down.
On Monday, March 24, an alternative news site Yellowtimes.org was shut down by their Internet Service Provider (ISP) after publishing photographs of the U.S. soldiers who were killed captured by Iraqi forces. A note that was sent to the website hours before it was shut down read: "We are sorry to notify you of suspending your account: Your account has been suspended because [of] inappropriate graphic material."
daisycutter 3/26/2003 11:50:16 AM - [Link]
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Al Jazeera
Al Jazeera website under hacking attack.
The newly launched English-language page, which went live Monday, was hardest hit in a bombardment of data packets known as a denial-of-service attack.
daisycutter 3/26/2003 11:38:53 AM - [Link]
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Texas
Supreme court to rule on Texas sodomy law.
At issue is a Texas law that permits oral or anal sex with animals and between members of the opposite sex, but prohibits it between same-sex couples.
daisycutter 3/26/2003 11:24:13 AM - [Link]
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Tuesday, March 25, 2003
boycot
To divide the world a little more boycot American brands.
daisycutter 3/25/2003 8:36:12 PM - [Link]
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Other news
Live news with a different color, made by Hezbollah, Al Manar Television.
daisycutter 3/25/2003 3:05:52 PM - [Link]
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Smell
Our smell is fading.
daisycutter 3/25/2003 2:37:07 PM - [Link]
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Body count
Civilian casualties counted.
daisycutter 3/25/2003 2:26:00 PM - [Link]
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Al Jazeera
Al Jazeera transmissions live on the internet.
daisycutter 3/25/2003 2:21:52 PM - [Link]
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Enjoy it now
No golden years for men.
"It warned men were suffering in a society which measures the quality of elderly people's lives with a feminine ruler. Men could be enticed to socialise more if luncheon clubs provided wine and beer, researchers suggested."
daisycutter 3/25/2003 8:45:29 AM - [Link]
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World Order
World order depends on outcome war in Iraq.
daisycutter 3/25/2003 8:33:23 AM - [Link]
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Monday, March 24, 2003
The media
It's an oldie, but with the current media coverage of the war, rather up to date.
daisycutter 3/24/2003 9:07:43 PM - [Link]
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Attack on Coke and Pepsi
Attack on Coke and Pepsi.
"Left-wing rebels in southern India have attacked shops selling Coca Cola and Pepsi as a mark of protest against the US-led war on Iraq."
daisycutter 3/24/2003 5:51:28 PM - [Link]
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Michael Moore's speech
Michael Moore's speech.
daisycutter 3/24/2003 5:01:42 PM - [Link]
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Heideroosjes
Fuck Boudewijn de Groot, leve de Heideroosjes. Download Welterusten meneer de president.
Via Eddy Koekkoek
daisycutter 3/24/2003 4:56:08 PM - [Link]
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Razzies
Madonna and her husband Guy Ritchie win five Razzies.
"Madonna tied for worst actress with fellow pop queen Britney Spears, who made her starring debut in "Crossroads," another worst-picture contender.
Ritchie was chosen worst director, while "Swept Away" earned Madonna a second award for worst screen couple with co-star Adriano Giannini. Madonna was named worst supporting actress, Madonna's "Swept Away" also received the trophy for worst remake or sequel."
daisycutter 3/24/2003 1:19:38 PM - [Link]
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The Sun
More dumb Sun action.
daisycutter 3/24/2003 1:13:07 PM - [Link]
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Michael Moore
Michael Moore speaks his mind at the Oscars.
"We live in a time with fictitious election results that elect fictitious presidents. We live in a time when we have a man sending us to war for fictitious reasons."
daisycutter 3/24/2003 1:06:28 PM - [Link]
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