and monosyllabic chick has made a triumphant return.

as with myself. there are some things that i'd like to blog about, seeing how i have some kewl things to talk about. well, according to me, they're kewl. i don't necessarily think that anyone else may find anything i have to say interesting, but whatever.

anyways, to start with, i should give a shout out to the hollywood kids. why? because they wrote to me, asking if i would join their band. it's just a shame that the only instrument that i'm actually proficient at doesn't exactly fit in with their style of music (which, by the way, should be commended). perhaps i could join if they're lookin for the next meg white. except i don't smoke, and wear socks when i do drum.

second, i got my year review at work today. i did pretty damn well. for most things, i did the standards. but for two categories, i got commendable responses. my manager explained to me that because i do only work two shifts a week, it was hard to give me more commendable or excellent reviews, but that the two commendables that i did get were really good. anyways, at the end of it all, i did get my raise, which means that i'm getting more moolah. but not that much, because serendipity is being snooty to me these days.

third, have i ever mentioned that i TOTALLY love the people that i work with? because for the most part, i do. but there are two people at work that make my life so much more interesting. colin and brad. kinda like this year's tarek and adam, except that we (as in colin and myself) don't really work with brad all that often (brad's on the first floor, we're on the third floor). anyways, today, brad was working. i like brad because he's funny. but sometimes, it can get annoying. i was assigned to shelve some stuff in fiction, so i had my cart in the back corner, and scanned away.

then i hear in my left ear, 'what're you doing?'

i fucking FREAKED.

then i turned around. it was brad, with this huge grin on his face.

'holy shit...' he laughed.

but oh, no. the story doesn't end here. later on today, i was on the phone with a customer, and i had the receiver on my left ear, which meant that my view of the main aisle, and anyone coming down it, was blocked. so i'm talking to the customer, and i hear in my right ear, 'hey.'

'DAMMIT!! will you STOP that already?!?!?'

so to keep myself from yelling into the phone, i had to cover the receiver with my shoulder. 'fuck off, you loser!' brad just laughed. later on, when i was putting the book on the holds shelf downstairs, i passed by him, and said, 'dude, i HATE you!!'

'hey BUDDY.'

*grrr*

as for colin, he's another story altogether. first, the dude never smiles. unless you call him 'barn-stompin' colin', and i think that i'm about the only one that can get away with it (and i should. the guy calls me 'bernadettechi' for no reason, other than to bother me). one day, one of the managers asked him, 'would it hurt you to smile?' i wouldn't be surprised if it did. second, he talks about the most random things, you wonder what the hell goes on in that brain of his.

but saturday was the best weird conversation yet.

as we were getting ready to go home, he asks me, 'did your parents ever make you wear those slush pants (you know, kinda like track pants, but without the extra lining inside) as a kid?'

'yeah. why?'

'when i have kids, i'm never going to make them wear those pants.' at this point, he has a pair of slush pants himself that he's planning to change in to.

'why not?'

'it's embarassing. and traumatic.'

'so what are those in your hand?'

'slush pants.'

'and what are you going to do with them?'

'i'm going to wear them.'

'but didn't you just say that it was embarassing?'

'yeah, but i'm going to wear them inside my pants.'

WTF?

'so, waitaminute...you're not going to force your kids to wear slush pants over their regular pants, because it's embarassing and traumatic, but you're going to let them wear slush pants inside their regular pants, defeating the whole PURPOSE of slush pants, run the risk of having them being called 'frumpy-ass', and THAT'S not traumatic?'

he looked at me. i shook my head. then i went to the bathroom. when i returned, he asked me, 'so what was that name that you gave me?'

'i dunno. i give a lot of names to a lot of people.'

'no...the one about my pants?'

'oh, you mean frumpy-ass? the name that your kids are going to be sujected to if you let them wear slush pants inside their regular pants?' i couldn't take anymore of this. i got outta there.

weird, huh?

and this is only ONE of many weird conversations that we'd had. he's an odd one, that colin.

in other news: actually, i don't have anything else to say. other than the fact that i have to read three more books of homer's iliad for tomorrow, but that's not all that interesting.

word.

bernadette walked against the wind at... 11:57 PM - [Link]

and gah.

i haven't had much to blog about the last little while, hence no blogging has gone on.

that, compounded with the fact that i really have got my shit together this term, after last term's fiasco, and you have the makings of a very boring girlchild.

really, this is basically how every day goes for me...

-wake up
-go to library before lecture/seminar
-go to lecture/seminar
-go to library after lecture/seminar
-*sometimes* go to hart house to work out
-*sometimes* go to agd house
-go to library after going to agd house
-go home to watch mandatory one episode of simpsons
-go to bed

FUCK!!

i'm boring!!

but at least i've established myself at trin, robarts, and soon-to-be-pratt-on-sundays.

in other news: i've got a pretty new laptop. here it is...



the picture does it no justice. the top is actually a lot uglier.

but can you say 'score'?

it's the compaq evo n620c. i'm not too sure how it compares to the other things that are out there on the market, because we all know how into this tech shit i am, right?

but all i know is that it's faster than the compaq armada that i've been using for the past four years. plus, it's got one of those touchpad things, which i'm not liking right now, on account of the fact that i seem to have lost all control of my hands and such. but other than that, it's pretty swell.

i thinks that i'ma gonna keeps it. word.

in even other news: i dunno what the hell's going on with my back account, but i have money.

no, not just the crappy 7 cent interest rate that i get monthly.

i went to the bank today to pay off the rest of my tuition fees. yeah, the ones that i was supposed to pay off way back near the beginning of the academic year. but the thing was that when i added his465, i was already registered in 4 1/2 courses, because there was no guarantee that i was going to get in the course. plus, i couldn't take the course in the summer because it's never been offered then, and i needed it for early grad (which we all know ain't gonna happen, on account of the fact that if i go through another year of summer school, it's very likely that my head will explode).

but i digress.

i went to pay off the fees. the teller set my account so that i could pay off future fees directly from my account, and at my convenience (why didn't they do this THREE YEARS AGO?!?!?). so she gave me the statement.

i look at it.

'so, did you withdraw the money from my account to pay off the fees?'

'yes. look there.'

wtf?!?! there's NO way that i could have just paid off my tuition, and STILL have that much money in my account.

then i thought, yeah, but i still have to pay mam for the ST stuff.

nope, that still doesn't account for that much money in the ole account.

oh wait...there's still the stuff on the mastercard.

nope, it's still doesn't add up.

what about adg fees?

negative. you've still got enough to head out on a decent road trip. no fucking way in hell.

so what accounts for all this?

i dunno.

and i don't care. i've got cash!! hahah...

nah, seriously, for the first time ever in life, i've actually managed to save some cash. but i didn't expect that i'd have that much. maybe it's time to pick up those pay stubs from work.

but it's still a plesant surprise. i can afford to eat this week.

and just to sum it up: not too much else to say.

actualy, there is.

my hair is no longer that weird asian faction orange it was turning. it's now brown.

so yeah.

i'm going to bed.

i'm pretty tired.

word.

bernadette walked against the wind at... 1:28 AM - [Link]

holy sweet merciful crap.

i haven't blogged since...LAST YEAR! AURGHHH...*head spontaneously combusts*

nah, i'm just kidding. that was a really lame joke, and i acknowledge the fact that it really was one.

which is a new beginning. normally, i would've just continued on with the post as regularly scheduled, and not made a note of it. but now, i'm pretty contented with noting my faults.

anyways, i've decided that i'm going to be dropping a course. the bane of my existence, or the his109 of the fall/winter session 2003-2004, also known as trn419.

i'm just not happy with it. plus, i had to go and talk to my registrar about it. that's never a good sign. granted, once she found out about what had been going on for the past few months, she was sympathetic, but at this point in time, i think that i'm just too far behind to catch up.

i had the three assignements done, but as i was reading them over again last night, i realised that i'm capable of SO much more than what i had written. all three papers were absolute shit, and because i was planning to hand them in on thursday, i won't have enough time to rewrite any of them.

so early grad be damned.

i'm gonna be a sloth, and graduate when i'm supposed to.

at the same time, i'm kinda pissed off that i'm losing my tuition. i dunno how it works in the us, or at any other university for that matter, but at u of t, there are certain dates that you can drop a course by, and still receive some reimbursment for the course.

unfortunately, the last date that i could have possibly gotten a refund for was at the end of november.

can you say 'sucks like a mofo'?

anyways, so i'm that much poorer now. but at the same time, i'm also a bit happier.

plus, there are a few things that i want to do over the summer, now that it appears that i'm going to be HAVING a summer. so i'm pretty happy about that. i can finally do that quebec french exchange programme that the government is providing me.

so HAH. sucks to trn419.

in other news: i'm seeing a shrink.

no, seriously, i am.

i'm seeing one because there were a lot of unresolved feelings that i had when my aunt died. plus, even though i was talking to a lot of people about it, it just didn't feel all that therapeutic. i think that it was because people just knew me, and couldn't really offer an outsider's opinion for fear of offending me...or some mumbo-jumbo like that.

psycho-babble, baby. eat your heart out, freud.

anyways, i think that it's really going to help me out a bit. so that's all she wrote, folks.

it should be interesting. i kinda feel like paris from gilmore girls.

excect that i'm not THAT loud.

in even further news: remember those papers taht i had due WAY back in november?

got one of them back. japanese history. spent a day and a half researching, writing, editing, and typing.

what do i get?

b.

what would i have gotten had i handed it in on time?

a-.

and this is why we don't procrastinate, folks.

i mean, i suppose that it coujld be worse. it's just shitty knowing that i'm capable of pulling off good papers, but because i'm such a lazyass, i'm not getting the grades that i know that i should.

so this is MY resolution: just hand the fucking things in on TIME. and all will be well in the world.

just to sum it up: i finally got some new tunes and books. i was finished reading those things on my sidebar AGES ago. just didn't feel like updating.

so check them out when you get the chance.

and check y'all later.

bernadette walked against the wind at... 4:57 PM - [Link]

yes, i'm jumping on the bandwagon.

but i don't give a good flying fuck.

anyways, this has been one hell of an interesting year. usually, i tend to go by school years (ie. from september to june). i dunno. i suppose that it has to do with the fact that i'm still a student, and that i'm probably gonna be one for a few more years.

having said that, now that i'm thinking about what to write about the past year, i have to say that it's been one incredible journey. cliche, no?

damn straight.

but it really, really has. if you had asked me what i saw myself doing this year around the same time last year (confusing, huh?), i would have never dreamed that i would have done some of the things that i have (and no, none of which are/were illegal, except for that trip down to tijuana...), met some of the people that i have, blah blah blah.

and so, to give you the coles (or cliffs, if you're american) notes version of the past year...

january: nothing too exciting. just bitched a lot about work, the cold, and not getting enough sleep. so i suppose that everything was just hunky dory. however, i did get a lot of new tunes and shirts. and that made me happy.

february: the month started off kinda slow. the week before reading week, i decided to go to chicoutimi to watch the canadian st world cup. needless to say that this was the beginning of something that has since grown into something more than just a hobby. and i got to talk to some guy named rusty. i wrote a story that was on the oz, and i had posted it on the rs.com forums. by the end of the month, i went to us nationals in bay city, home of madonna and bars that require one to be the age of 21. this was just the beginning folks. it actually gets worse.

march: lots of time was spent in the library doing research. robarts became a second, no, third home to me. i managed to get an extension, but other than that, it was pretty uneventful.

april: i got the BEST birthday present ever, even though my birthday's not until june. i got a KICKASS tama drumkit. this really got me thinking about music seriously once again, and just how much it really is a huge part of my life. i also relocated here to blog studio, and ditched blogger, because really, blogger kinda sucks, and blog studio doesn't have that retarded overhead banner. all around good month.

may: started the second round of summer school. had a falling out with some people, and consequently haven't talked to them since, but what can you do? what's done is done. and besides, school was taking up a lot of time. oh, and teh helped me out with the formatting of this blog. so i am forever indebted to his knowledge of this html garbage.

june: it was kinda sucky to begin with. i had this proposal for one of my courses due, and lost half my papers to the hard streets of toronto when i crashed into some rollerblading dude in front of the trl. subsequently, i sprained my ankle. but my best friend scott more than made up for it when we drove to ny state after my midterm (the day before my birthday) so that i could legally drink in the states. it was a very enlightening experience. hahah...

july: i can't remember too much, seeing how i destroyed the other blog, but i'm pretty sure that i was stressing over history of hong kong. but i made a new friend in my t.a., tim, who, in addition to being sexy as hell, is also a pretty damn good skateboarder. i also got to meet linkin park at the muchmusic sanitarium tour 'afterparty'. they were really kewl, and i actually got a couple of pics with the guys. i saw them again in montreal later on in the summer. they remembered me. i'm not too sure if i should be concerned or flattered.

august: another year of summer school came to an end, leaving me with a mere 6 credits left in order to graduate. however, due to school related stresses, i managed to land some time at the local (well, not really local) hospital after becoming physically sick during my philosophy of history presentation. much time was spent at the beaches, where i spent a small fortune at overkill buying a number of roxy, o'neill, rusty, and overkill shirts, shorts, and general surf/volleyball crap for the surfing i never do (or for that matter, can't)/volleyball i hate to play. this was during the ONE week that i had left for summer vacation, after having worked full time for two weeks of the three that i had after school left out. but other than that, it was pretty uneventful.

september: and so started the blues, knowing that school was going to start. however, this was the year that i decided to break out of my antisocial shell, and decided to actually go through with the sorority bid, which i did do. i pledged agd, and found a place where i belonged. plus, the house is a pretty good place to crash when you don't feel like going home on the subway in the wee hours of the morn.

october: it started off on a sad note, when my grandpa dies. but remember all the way back in february when i said that st was just the beginning? all hell broke this month. the first world cup of the season was held in calgary, so being canadian, i thought that it was most appropriate to go (plus, the airfare was quite cheap). and so i went, furiously taking notes, like i always do, and meeting a whole bunch of great people. the following weekend, i was in the boons of michigan, still taking those notes, meeting even more people, and meeting other *interesting* ones, and finding out some things that were interesting in their own rights. venus, anyone?

november: see march. except there were more books involved in said research. a lot of partying, being even more social, and a fair amount of alcohol was consumed.

december: i'm sad to say i'm ending the year on a sad note. the loss of a confidante, being sick and tired, and up to my ass in readings and papers did not make for a happy child. but on the good side, i'm looking forward to making a lot of ch-ch-ch-ch-changes in the upcoming year. oh, and looking forward to cutting a deal with a major record label with my 'chapters' band *hahahah*.

so yeah. the year in review. a rollercoaster of sorts. another cliche, i know. but true, nonetheless. would i have changed anything?

no. i don't think that i would have.

even though i bitch a lot, and rant and rave about things that are entirely in my control, i'd like to think that all my experiences have made me into the person that i am today. i've learned a lot about myself, my weaknesses and strengths, my interests, and about the world in general. i've made a lot of great friends along the way, shared a lot of great experiences, and have had a LOT of laughs when i thought, many times, it would be hard to do so.

and so, the year ends.

so long, farewell...

and to 2004, i can't wait to see what's in store.

see you all in the new year!!

bernadette walked against the wind at... 4:14 PM - [Link]

meh.

now, one may ask what i'm doing on the computer at 10-ish at night, when i have family over, a TON of food (that is, enough to feed a small country with), and enough eggnog to last well until next christmas (as disgusting as it is, christmas at my house isn't the same without the eggnog)?

i dunno. i haven't blogged in a while.

part of it's because i've been working my ass off for the past couple of weeks, for school and work. retail is NOT fun at all =(. well, actually, it is for me because it makes time go by faster. but i really don't appreciate being bitched out by customers who are upset that they can't find the ONE book that we supposedly have in stock. i mean, I'M not the one who made you do your holiday shopping at the last minute, am i?

plus, computers, as i'm sure most of us know, aren't entirely reliable. so when you see that we're supposed to have only ONE copy of a book on hand, it would be in everyone's best interests to call before hand to see if that book's on the shelf. this also applies to the people over at manulufe indigo who keep sending over customers when they check the computer system, and said system indicates that we may *possibly* have one copy on hand. it's part of the job description. do your damn job properly.

but that was a digression.

anyways, as indicative by the title, this christmas is not one of the brighter ones at the domingo household.

at least it's not one for me. and seeing how this is my blog, and how i've been bitching on it for the past year and a half, i figure that in won't be rocking the boat on this one.

anyways, i haven't felt like blogging for the past little bit because a very close friend of mine died a couple of weeks ago. well, she was actually more than close friend, she was kinda like a second mam to me. and in many ways, she was like a confidant. i could turn to her, and talk to her about many things that i don't necessarily feel all that comfortable talking to me mam about. she gave me hope for my future. so many times in my life i've been written off, but she gave me the strength to fight, to take the risks, and to act as the voice of reason.

i watched her decline for the past year and a bit. and the entire time, i felt so completely and utterly helpless, so much so that i felt guilty about it. about not being able to do something about it, about not being able to take the pain away, about not being able to do more for her.

and so, that's what accounts for my not blogging.

for the last little bit, i just haven't really felt like doing anything. i'm becoming about as anti-social as you can get. if i weren't crying so damn much all the time, i could probably pull a salinger and write the great american (canadian?) novel. some days, it's hard to just pull myself out of bed and do things. i mean, it's getting better, but some days...

i never thought that death could actually affect me to the degree that it has. when grams/lola died, i took it pretty hard, but i was about as okay as you can get. after all, she had lived an astounding 92 years, had 10 children, 231 923 grandkids, and quite a number of great-grandkids to boot. she led a grand life, as good as it can get, and we all knew that the end was coming near. hell, she was PRAYING for god to take her. she knew it was her time to go.

so i think that's why it wasn't as hard.

what's hard about this was not that she died, but that we honestly thought that she was going to pull through. every sign was there. the doctors thought she would pull through also. so it gave us the hope. i suppose that it was a naive hope, but it was there nonetheless. even through all of this, she seemed more...unaffected? by it than we did. she came to terms with her situation, and found her peace with god.

i know that she wouldn't want me to be sad about it. but i can't help it. if she were still around, i wouldn't really have this problem, right? and it's selfish, and i'm being a total bitch about it, and i know it. i'm mad at myself for feeling this way when i should know better. i'm mad at myself for allowing angry tears run down my face as i type this. i'm mad at myself for being so weak. i'm mad at the doctors for giving us that hope.

i'm just mad.

and i'm mad for not being able to find the peace that she did. i don't know why i'm not able to do so. i can't. and this bothers me a lot.

what's worse is that this is affecting other aspects of my life as well...like school and work. i came into work last thursday in tears, and pretty much stayed that way for my entire shift. corin was really sweet, and colin was really concerned about me, putting our usual mutual animosity towards each other on the backburner for the day.

i dunno man. even with all the talks that alison and i have had, i'm still feeling lost. i'm seriously thinking that i'm even on the verge of insanity. it hurts a lot, and i hate feeling the way that i do.

on top of it all, i got the mastercard bill in the mail. because i'm still paying off all the stuff from calgary/marquette, i don't know if i'll be able to make it to cleveland this (next?) year, which sucks for me.

i'm sorry for being such a downer. i just really haven't had the motivation to do much these days.

maybe a little partying will do some good, no?

catch you all later.

and here's hoping that you'll have a happy chirstmas, and a very happy new year.

bernadette walked against the wind at... 11:05 PM - [Link]

that's just something that i'd like to share with y'all. note that i was actually WEARING the media pass, and thus didn't do anything illegal to get into the media room.

i actually got this pic a while back. i just uploaded it to my server yesterday though. and the procrastination streak continues. i think that it's a nice pic of us lot. unfortunately, i look like as arse as usual. PLUS, if you can tell me what the hell colour my hair is, i'd be more than willing to give you $5 (i'd offer more, but alas, i'm flat-ass BROKE).

but i still think that it looks kewl. =)

in other news: i've added a few links to the sidebar. there's bridie's link to her official site, as well as tex's link for our hometown short track guys and gals.

i must say that this short track obssession that i've got going on is pretty kewl. or quite scary, depending on whose side you're on.

but i'd like to think that it's not stalking or anything. just admiring a sport for the fun that it is.

and with that, i think that it's time to tell you of the story (at least the condensed version) of how i really got into the whole frenzy...

okay. as i had done figure skating when i was younger, i always knew about it. but i didn't really KNOW about the sport. plus, my friends and i would always argue about the merits of speed skating versus figure skating. i'd win these 'battles' because my argument was that us figure skaters got to do kewl jumps, and spins, and fancy footwork. plus wear kewl costumes. all the speed skaters got to do was skate around in circles, over and over and over.

i was 9. sue me. my argumentative skills weren't up to par quite yet.

anyways, fast forward to february 2002. there i was, sitting at home, writing my damn descartes paper on meditations 2, struggling to come up with 3 more pages about the stupid ball of wax analogy, and watching part of the olympic coverage on...

if you guessed CURLING, then you guessed correctly!!

what can i say? go and blame the cbc for it, not me.

anyways, i was getting pretty tired of hearing people screaming, 'hurry...HARD!!' and of hearing the canadian team typify every single canadian stereotype known to man ('what do you think a-boot that, EH?'), when i decided to turn to some other channel. i think that it was nbc or something like that. i can't remember (after all, it was almost two years ago, dammit).

that's when i saw it.

and by 'it', i'm pretty sure that you, my educated readers, can figure out what i mean.

but i didn't actually consciously watch it. after all, i was still struggling with the last page and a half of my paper. so on and on the tv droned.

then comes the announcer's voice: 'apolo anton ohno'.

and my immediate reaction? 'greek sun god yoko?'

so i HAD to look up. last page of descartes paper be damned, i had to find out who had this WEIRD (and i mean in the most sincere, kewl way) name.

and that, dear friends, is the story of how i got into the short track frenzy. not that exciting a story, i know, but i suppose that three days straight of meeting up with alison and studying for our canadian immigration exam will do that to a gal.

in even further news: i've also added a link leading to my hundred and some-odd things about me. i did this on blogger (when i was still using it), but i've put it all on one easy and convenient page for your reading pleasure.

so laugh. laugh til your sides hurt. go on, i dare you. =P

and just to sum it up: i'm also still working on that other page i was talking about the last time i posted. it's not done, and i'm not going to be linking it anytime soon. but rest assured, once it's done, y'all will be the first to know.

i'm off to bed. sleep is good.

bernadette walked against the wind at... 3:15 AM - [Link]

and it kinda does. sort of.

if you're reading this, you can probably tell that i haven't shut down the blog.

nor do i think that i'm going to.

i just needed to put a lot of things into perspective. and that required me to take a break from the world that is the internet (aside from the occasional, and i do mean OCCASIONAL) email check.

and now, i'm feelin' fine. a bit emotionally drained, but a LOT better. i think that i just lost sight of where i was going, and who i was for a while, and now i'm back in full force.

sort of.

ah well. it could be worse. i could have two butts.

in other news:



isn't it real purdy?

pinning of the petals is tonight. tomorrow's initiation. and no, we're not getting our heads flushed in a toilet, nor are we going to be pushing pennies down halls with our noses.

however, sometimes i don't really feel like part of the whole sisterhood thing. it's my own fault,of course, but at the same time, i've always been quite an independent person (you'd have to, to travel to some of the places that i've been so by myself. detroit what.), and i don't necessarily need to be surrounded by a plethora of people every waking moment of my life.

but i'm still excited. =D

in even further news: i've got a new blog in the works.

except it's going to be MUCH better than the training blog i have for the training that i NEVER do these days.

plus, it's going to be updated more often. maybe an occasional picture or two here and there.

but i'm pretty excited. bitchin'.

just to sum it up: got back a term paper that i spent a combined total (research+writing the damn thing) of about 11 hours on. so, you say?

well, it was 12 pages.

and i got an a-. had i not handed it in three days late, it would've been an a.

but i don't care. i'm aceing that shit.

bernadette walked against the wind at... 3:51 PM - [Link]