So off I went yesterday, Sunday, in the spirit of great adventure, with two dodgey wrists and one 'crook' shoulder, (as the Aussies would say), in a test drive - to see if I could get all the way to Head Office and back. I shall be returning to work in the New Year, and I've got to able to at least get there! And, as if by magic, in order to make the drive as realistic as possible, three motorists decided to surrender their vehicles in the cause of my rehabilitation, by crashing into each other on the opposite carriage way - producing an ENORMOUS traffic jam on their side of the road, and an equally huge jam on my side of the road caused by 'rubberneckers'. Oh yes - just what I needed - lots of stop/start brake & clutch activity. (Yes, the company car is a 'stick shift', as you North American chappies would call it. And therefore, no - it is not an automatic. I believe I have to be a few grades up the management level before that glossy catalogue falls on my desk).
In the interests of 'people observation' we decided to watch all around us. My wife noticed a petite blonde lady beside us in her little black 'beetle' type car - picking her nose. Isn't it funny what you think you can casually get away with in your own car whilst you're poodling along? A small girl in the back of an over packed estate car was pressing her lips up on the window and blowing her cheeks out - I think this represented the feeling of everybody stuck on the motorway. The most interesting phenomena was the discovery of 'Rain-O-Man'...........
In a laboratory somewhere in Essex lives a reclusive mad scientist.( You understand that all reclusive scientists usually have some form of madness....for some strange movie-making reason.). Shunned by his peers, ( now that does bring tears to my eyes...and his probably), rejected by his profession, he now works alone in his secret underground chamber. Basically, he's developed a material.....(to quote his catalogue)...."....unlike any other..." which repels moisture and is 100% water proof. What has this got to do with being stuck in a traffic jam on the M25, (the orbital motorway around London)? Two cars ahead of his we saw his son - aka Rain-O-Man. But how did we know it was him ? He was driving along in the cold with his window wound down, it was drizzling with rain, and he had his jacketed elbow sticking out. Cursed by one of his father's laboratory experiments which went tragically wrong, Rain-O-Man, known to the rest of his family as 'Darren', was the only person to be able to wear this special material, but with one cursed side effect - everywhere he went.......it rained.
Why else would he have his window wound down in the pouring rain.........and he didn't mind.........if the clothes he was wearing were 100% waterproof ........and he knew it would be raining everywhere he went, but he stayed dry? Because he was .....Rain-O-Man. Unfortunately, Rain-O-Man's 'gift' to the world does not make him the most welcoming of super heroes. In fact, the one-sided conversation from the everyday housewife goes something like this: "Rain-O-Man ? Oh bugger off will ya, I've just put me washing out to dry!" So he drives around and around the M25 attempting to mix in with the general traffic jam misery in the hope that people will not notice the change in weather brought on by his super hero 'powers'.
So next time you're stuck in a traffic jam, and it's raining, check to see if some guy's riding around with the window wound down and his elbow sticking out.....you never know...? (Oh yes - I'm sure he goes on holiday as well, so this could happen anywhere okay?)
Yes - I made it back in one piece with sore wrists and shoulder.With a bit of practice, I reckon I can do it again...and again. Probably on a daily basis actually. Oh - that's me back to work. :)......but time for a lay down now.....the 'voices' are calling me....
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