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Two Way Doors

The Post Office, like many public buildings of a certain age, have doors that swing both ways.( This is not to be confused with the modern use of that expression 'swinging both ways'........of course, whose ever heard of 'gay doors'? ). There are two - one on the left, and, not so remarkably........one on the right, as you walk up the steps out front. What possessed them to do this ? As everyone knows, when the public baths are shut, the pubs aren't open yet, the kids are on summer vacation...........the Post Office becomes the magnet for 'people who like to play with doors'..........

  • Old People with Dogs - this is not so much a play area, as more of an obstacle course for them. But they always seem to be smiling. Is this the great British resilience in the face of something that is ultimately beating us, (Australian cricket teams etc), or has the Sterident stuck their dentures to their upper pallet like in some kind of mummified ancient burial ritual ?
  • Kids -  little b*****ds. With, or without parents, swing doors are there for one purpose only - to swing. They even suffer their own minor injuries of being clipped around the head by an annoyed parent whilst continuing to run backwards and forwards through the doors. I think they are taught this at school by 'older boys '.
  • Drunks - why bother guessing what is going on there,eh? They've got no idea where they are anyway.
  • Shoppers - is it me, or should you go to the P.O.....before....you empty Walmart and carry it with you? Even after several "I'm sorry's" - it still doesn't change the fact that they are there - a human ' Rubik Cube' attempting to get into the P.O.
After all that, when I finally got to the counter and asked about the renewal form for my passport, the lady behind the bomb-proof three inch thick glass barrier pointed to a plastic rack on the wall by the EXIT door and said - "The forms are there." "Oh," I replied......what I wanted to say was - "Forgive me, my psychic abilities for guessing where the forms are kept are obviously as lacking as the signs in here which direct you to them whilst you're queuing up." My other alternative reply was going to be " Sorry, the building must be lined in Kryptonite . My x-ray vision couldn't penetrate the wall to 'see' by the exit door."

The lesson here is simple - if you want to get what you want in the Post Office:
  1. Risk getting clipped around the head. 
  2. Risk being accused of being drunk. 
  3. Risk being accused of being old & senile. 
  4. Risk being accused of being over-ladened
...........and go through the exit door. 

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