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When Things Go Wrong In Church

I did tell my mother I was going to rely this little story to y'all...so if  I'm off-line for a few days after this, that's probably 'cos she's beat me up ! Anyway, I got this phone call from me mammy about a little incident in church.......

She had had gone to do the 'reading' in the church - y'know - the epistle & psalms, (for you heathens!). But she did notice that the printed psalm sheet in the church was different from the place that the epistle was open on the altar. However, not wishing to think that the priest had made a mistake, she carried on regardless.......reading the wrong epistle for the day. She could tell it was the wrong one because the 'professional Catholics' were furiously flicking through their missals trying to find what the H**l my mother was reading.

But it doesn't stop there. Oh No. The psalms and associated responses would also be different. And as the congregation had the correct psalm sheet, and my mother was reading the previous weeks psalms..........there was even more silent wailing and gnashing of teeth & the voices of ones crying in the wilderness: "Oi! Get it right!". However, being the trooper that she is - my mum continued in an appropriate religious manner, i.e. as if nothing was wrong at all :). After mass she mentioned the debacle to the priest who seemed to blag his way through it by saying that the epistle would now be closed before mass, and the reader would have to find the right place before they began. Talk about abdication & dereliction of duty! It's no wonder the church is in the state it is in today - ha!

Now - you'd think that would be the end of it wouldn't you? Oh no. My mum got home only to to discover that she had two different coloured shoes on. One black, one dark navy. (Now - this is something a man can NEVER do!). So, not only was my mother reading the wrong epistle - everybody could see that she was wearing different coloured shoes as well. Not painting a very good picture of 'religious professionalism' here, is it?

Ha - you reckon that's the end of it, don't you? Oh no. My mum informed me that she had medical 'foot lifts' in her black shoes to stop her feet getting sore. So, when she took off her 'other' black shoe, (the Navy blue one), she went scurrying around on the floor looking for the foot lift that should have been in there. That is funny enough, but I asked her - "Does that mean that when you were walking in church, because you didn't have the lifts in both shoes - you must have been listing to one side - like you were walking with a limp?" She had to agree.

So - to summarise - I love my mum...................but:

  • she read the wrong epistle and psalm, (not her fault!) to a packed bewildered church
  • she had different coloured shoes - for all the world to see.....and.....
  • she was walking with a 'drunken'  limp in church
It's not April 1st yet is it ? :)

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