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Is Your Christmas Tree Talking To You?

I was sitting in the semi darkness the other day, (yeah - it gets dark around 3.30pm at the moment around here . Unlike those 'Land Of The Midnight Sun' places.....very weird ), watching the lights on the Christmas tree. Yes - I was very bored. It was that few hours gap between the second half hour John Edward programme, and the start of anything decent on children's TV. (Even daytime kids TV can be crap as well y'know). The lights on the tree are one of those types that have about five different settings:

  • Induce  Epileptic Fit - there really should be a warning on the box ! This is no 'Earth Wind & Fire' 'Boogie Wonderland' beat here.
  • S.O.S. - one for the kids to signal to their friends to come and knock on the door and get them out to play. Particularly useful when Great Aunt Matilda & her rabid chihuahua have just arrived.
  • Intermittent - guaranteed to get the dominant male of the clan on his hands and knees in front of the tree - trying to fix it. Useful for a good photo opportunity by the, (always........always always! ), - dominant female.
  • Sound Reactive - often described as the 'Trailer Park Disco', or the 'Amish Dead Tree' - depending on where you live.
  • Solid - also known as 'The Boxing Day Blues'. This is the 'who-gives-a-shit ' of Christmas light decoration.
I believe I had it on 'intermittent'......when I thought I began to see a pattern emerging. Was I having a 'close encounter ' with a 5ft replica Colorado blue fir Xmas tree ? (Remember, I've cut down on the pain killers quite a lot, so any current 'thoughts ' are really my own). And more importantly what was it trying to say ? Needless to say, there are NO reference books on this subject. (Were you surprised ?). So I ws left to my own devices to translate the message. I narrowed it down to three possibilities:
  • "Stop watering me - I'm only plastic"
  • "Take me to your leader"
  • "Do you know the way to San Jose?"
I've decided to cut out the pain killers altogether.


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