to scott.

and to me as well dammit (after all, it's MY blog. yep. mineminemineminemine. i'm a greedy little bugger, i know).

i am now officially the american drinking age (well, technically, since yesterday). scott has been so for the past year.

who is this scott i speak of?

well, he's my best friend. he probably knows me better than anyone else in the world. how can he not? he's known me since i was three. i've had the (mis)fortune of knowing him since he was four. heh. . .

plus, if you couldn't figure it out, we have the same birthday.

i don't really talk about him much. i don't even ever get to see him all that much either. after 14 odd years of being the boy that lived across the street and three houses down, he decided to move out to the west coast, where he has a scholarship playing hockey. lucky bugger. so, we really ever get to really talk through emails and the occasional phone call.

he's been such a big part of my life. he really has. and it's not one of those relationships where there's all this sexual tension or anything. it's PURELY platonic (though i know some of my faithful readers out there will beg to differ =P). but he's been my friend through all the ups and downs of our tumultous teenage, angst-ridden years (okay, so we weren't really all that mad at the world). he was the one who really got me to play hockey. he was there for me when i moved to florida, and made the move back home to toronto easier. he's been through all the irrational, emotional outbursts, and he's never criticised me for it, though in many cases, he had all the right in the world to.

he was my aide and abetor as a kid. i call his parents 'mum' and 'dad', and the vice-versa. we even have each others' housekeys 'just in case'. we've had, and still have, our fights over the current state of world affairs, and share the same affinity for both 'wayne's world' movies.

he's still my partner in crime (but not a bonnie and clyde way).

last night (the 25th?), after my midterm, we decided to celebrate my legal status, and drove to buffalo in the middle of the night to hit some bars. they carded me. and then i was served. it was a great feeling of liberation. we stayed up all night (and considering the fact that i had been up since 5 that AM, it was getting to be a pretty long day). we got back in today at noon.

so why all the blogging?

to thank scott. no matter how crappy i think things are going, and no matter how messed up i think every aspect of my life seems to be, i know that he'll always be there, no matter what, without judgment or preconvictions. he's always been my support, and stuck through with me through the good times and the bad. we still take our stupid dares together. and though we may not get to talk to each other as often as we used to, i know that wherever i go, and whatever i do, he'll be there with me. he's been a part of me for the past 18 years, and i'll love him forever.

so cheers to you, luv. thank you beaucoup for everything. you have no idea how much you mean to me.

and btw, happy birthday. i totally owe you for yesterday's and today's drinks. ;)

which means that with the exchange rate being what it is, my next paycheck is completely going to you.

and here's the link again for that short track poll. . .

bernadette walked against the wind at... 2:33 AM - [Link]

i dunno. that seems to be my saying for the past while now.

hmm. . .i wonder why. *winking shrug*

i'm totally screwed. i'm not ready for the can. rels. midterm. not even close. it's too bad that i had a REAL exam yesterday, and spent a shitload of time worrying about that instead of focusing a BIT more time on this test.

damn damn and double damn.

heheh. . .there's some asshole beside me who's bitching about the limit on his credit card. he's being REALLY loud. i hate people like that. he also just got yelled at by the librarian. suckah. . .

things like that really make my day worthwhile. knowing that some poor sucker has it worse off than i do.

but damn. he was really cute too.

anyway, back to my original thoughts. there are 63 terms that i have to know. there are 10 choices on the test, and of those we have to select 5 of them to answer. how the hell am i REALLY supposed to know, in any great detail, 63 fucking terms?!?!?

c'mon. give me, or rather, give my brain a fucking break.

good news is that for the next few days, i get to be lazy and sloth-like. even moreso that i usually am. i have no school. that means that i can catch up on some readings.

yeah. like that'll happen.

also, i'm doing a poll. that'll be set up a bit later. but it'll be part of my whole 'pro-con' list of whether i should go to calgary or marquette for the world cup(s). i'll factor them into my final decision.

added: as promised, here's the poll. feel free to vote as often as you like!! lol. . .

vote now!! my short track future's in your hands!!

my fingers are really sore. and i think that they are on the verge of blistering. this is not too fun. on the other hand, i've got 'we're going to be friends' down solid. it's totally my bitch. plus i've got some of santana's 'gave of love' down as well. i've got to polish it up some though.

gonna study. pray for my mortal soul.

*spelling's probably going to be even worse. sorry*

bernadette walked against the wind at... 4:53 PM - [Link]

*insert queen riff here*

or if you must, *insert vanilla ice 'music' here*

damn you jack. damn you meg. damn you both for making great music that makes me want to learn how to play the guitar. damn me for having stupid violin hands that don't know how to play chords. damn my fingers for not being calloused enough, and for not being able to reach some chords.

damn damn and double damn.

for the better part of the day, i've been learning how to play the white stripes' 'we're going to be friends'. did i mention how much i suck at making the transitions from the g chord to the c chord?

because i do. i really do.

on the other hand, the other ws song i've been learning is 'hotel yorba'. i have to say that it's going better.

no tabs=happy girl child bernadette.

in other news: the first part of the summer session is almost over. i have my hong kong history final on tuesday and my can. rels. midterm on wednesday. this is good. why? that means that i have thursday and friday off, which means that i can party.

party like it's on sale for $19.99. can i get a 'booyah'?

this also means that i'm *thismuch* closer to early graduation. i also found out that i was accepted into the history specialist program. goodbye stupid philosophy, ta-ta to transcendentals, and au revoir to abelard.

in case you couldn't tell, philosophy was not my friend. =( ah well. i'm happy.

also went shopping yesterday. got kewl shirts, pants, and a sweater (it was only $15). didn't get my dickie's though, which kinda sucked, but that's okay. i'll get them on my next shopping expedition.

music: yeah yeah yeahs' 'tick' 'you make me wanna. . .'
munchies: tuna wrap. that's some yummy shit, yo.
mood: fingers on left hand are VERY sore and red. that's a good sign, right?

bernadette walked against the wind at... 5:26 PM - [Link]

hope that all the dads are having fun, and being treated with all the love they deserve.

sometimes holidays like these make me kind of sad. first of all, as most people can attest to, i'm quite sensitive, though i don't really come across that way. . .ever. but i am. i cry often if something makes me feel sad, or when i think of people that i've lost over the years, like my lola and lolo, or friends like trish, blah blah blah.

and then there's the people that i cry for whom i've never met, nor will ever get the chance to.

one of these people just so happens to be my dad.

i've never had a father. i've never known my father. he wasn't one of those types that was on the hooch and abandoned the family, nor was he the adulterous type, or any type that most people would condemn for being a bastard. he was killed in a car accident in the philippines before i was born.

i can honestly say that i don't miss my dad. it's really hard to miss someone you've never known. however, i say that i miss not having a dad. i see the pictures, i hear *some* stories, and i've been told many a time that i look like him (well, i get told the same thing with regards to me mam). i know that he was a chemical engineer (which makes me question why i didn't get into the sciences myself).

but i do miss on the little things, like what his favourite colour was, or what his hobbies were. what his favourite snack was, or if he liked any sports.

all throughout elementary school, we used to make those father's day cards around this particular time of the year. every year, i'd end up making a 'get well soon' card for someone i'd know who was sick. i used to think that it really sucked that i didn't get to make a father's day card like everyone else. some years, my lola would get two cards, one for father's and one for mother's day.

so what's with the serious blog all of a sudden?

i dunno. i sometimes just think of what could have been. i think that we all do at some point.

but back to the topic at hand.

give your dad all the love you can muster. and please don't ever take thier presence for granted. give them an extra hug, tell them that you love them, that you appreciate what they do for you. get to really know your dad, not just as a father-authoritarian type, but as a person.

and give them an extra hug for me.

bernadette walked against the wind at... 10:49 PM - [Link]

here i am. and i have a great story to tell.

this is the story about how i lost half my annotated bibliography and managed to sprain my ankle within a span of about 4 minutes.

tuesday, 5:47 AM. me mam wakes me up, because i have early class, and i have to get in the morning workout, as well as walk the dog.

that's when i discover that i have run OUT OF COFFEE. this was a sign of things to come. me, run out of coffee? insane, you're thinking. i thought the same thing. seriously though, i'm not as much of a coffe addict as i make myself out to be, but that morning, i REALLY needed it. this is why we don't stay up until 4 in the AM knowing that we have an early class.

but i digress yet again.

so i'm thinking, okay. fine. no prob. the exercise will wake me up. and said exercise serves its purpose. i'm feeling good. i walk the dog. she takes forever to walk, because she insists on smelling everything in her path and acting like a whore by letting every dog we cross sniff her ass.

and i have yet to bathe. i run late, and i catch the most crowded bus i've ever been on. you know that feeling like you're in a sardine tin? well, imagine that being intensified 6 times, and that's how the bus felt like to me.

lecture was. . .lecture. 'nuff said. plus my dude wasn't there. time went by slowly.

after, i have to haul some serious assage to the library cause i have this bibliography due the next day, and i'm only half done. so i go to said library. get some intense work done. i'm feeling great, because all i have to do is type out the sucker, hand it in, and that'll be that, right? i can do this at home.

yeah, like that's gonna happen.

as soon as i leave the library, i'm running along yonge street, hoping that i can beat the evening rush home. i have 50 lbs. of books in my backpack, so i'm holding my papers in my hands.

then, this dude who's skating plows into me. i should have seen him coming. i didn't. i think that it's time to get my prescription changed.

down goes bernadette like a ton of bricks. and not just regular falling, but over on her already weak ankles (the right one, to be specific). papers are flying everywhere like a tickertape parade gone wrong. and to add to that, it's been windy all day.

of course, because i can't stand, i can't get some of my papers, and as such, i lose about half of the bibliography. so, somewhere along yonge street is my dissertation on canadian-japanese relations from 1880 to 1922, just floating in the breeze, if not floating in some unidentafiable puddle of toxic goo.

i end up having to see a doctor, who tells me that i've sprained my ankle. i think, 'well no shit sherlock. i've only sprained my ankle about 3593 times before. i know how it feels.'

so there's no hope of my finishing my bibliography. luckily for me, my TA shows me a sign of mercy, and i get the extension that was promised to us by the professor if something like this happens.

so now it's due monday.

and i have a paper due tuesday (which i have yet to really start, though i know the general direction i want it to go).

sucks like a mofo.

and i'm outta commission for the next couple of weeks. two at the least.

and that's the end of the story, kiddies.

bernadette walked against the wind at... 1:16 PM - [Link]

seeing how people seem to be concerned with my welfare.

*shrugs shoulders* i dunno why though. i'm a boring person. =P

anyway, nothing much to report on the school front. i'm stressing out (as usual) and procrastinating as i type (what else is new?). am i worried? no, of course not. this is how i work. . .under pressure *include cheesy queen's riff here*

however, i went to the toronto book expo today. and my back is killing me, not to mention my shoulders, my neck, my hands, my arms. . .the list is long, and can go on forever. so i'll just spare you the details by saying that everything hurts.

but who cares? i've got about $400 worth of free books, maps, and accessories!!

fyi: if you're into gregory magire's stuff, his new book's called 'mirror mirror'. it's based on the snow white story, and incorporates the borgias (of renaissance italian fame). he claims that for the most part, the account of the borgias is fairly accurate. i want to test the accuracy of said novel (after all, i'm a history specialist. it's what i'm supposed to do, dammit).

also got robert munsch's new book 'lighthouse'. he's a great author of kids' books (my fave, and probably always will be, is 'love you forever'). got it signed and everything too. no name, though. just in case i'm hard up for birthday/christmas/groundhog's day presents.

we are SUCH mooches!!

i call it retribution. for all the times that i had to put up with irrate customers, the boring 8 hour shifts standing, the shelving of areas that are deemed unchartered waters. the whole bit. and then some. =)

note: will be on *ahem* vacation, so still won't be updating as frequently.

however, i will be on REAL vacation sometime in mid-august, cruising the coast of california. the relatives are excited to see me. i'm quite honestly apprehensive to *meet* some of them. i don't remember meeting them. then again, there are only a select few memories that my brain's RAM has decided to hold on to.

but i digress. i will be there. can you say 'score'?

bernadette walked against the wind at... 1:31 PM - [Link]

easy.

damn summer school. damn it to hell.

also, read zak's entry for 31 may. it pretty much sums up how i'm feeling these days, only put more eloquantly than i could ever come up with.

i'd been feeling this way for a while, when i started to question just how much time i spent on the comp. i had sworn to myself that i'd never become one of those internet addicts that i so often bashed.

and that's EXACTLY what happened. i found myself running straight from lectures during the last summer session just to chat it up with people. then i found myself doing the same thing for the better part of the past year.

and that's just SICK!!

so this is going to be my last entry for the next little bit. i'm taking an off-line vacation. so miss me, love me (worship me, if you feel the need to. heheh. . .)

and go out there and LIVE.

cheers,
bernadette

bernadette walked against the wind at... 8:52 PM - [Link]