The Fury of the Cow!

People's conception of snow and how it applies to driving seems to only reside in their short term memory. You should drive fast when it snows. Do NOT increase your following distance from the car in front of you. Snow does increase the friction between your tires and the road.

Darn sarcasm....

jhawk 12:02 PM - [Link] - Comments ()
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Rampant disregard for public safety!

jhawk 10:44 AM - [Link] - Comments ()
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The only good thing about going to work at 6:40am is that in my neighborhood, nobody else is out. You can slip on the ice and fall on your butt and it's just between you and the ice.

jhawk 9:24 AM - [Link] - Comments ()
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Steer and TJ want to know if I want to go to a Dixie Chicks concert.

Should I stick to my rampant anti-country music stance? Or should I cave? Maybe I should just buckle under the weight of their cross-over status. They have remade the Fleetwood Mac song Landslide. I like that.

NO NO! I will not give in! Or maybe I will if tickets are free :-P

jhawk 8:49 PM - [Link] - Comments ()
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If you are one that says; "I've never saw anything so big". "Look at them guys over there"; and more I can't think of right now, Stop! You are stupid, didn't pay attention in school, or listened to an equally stupid person. It's ok if you live in a trailer, you don't have to sound stupid also. I just heard these from tv reporters in the last few days. Now I realize we all make mistakes when trying to talk too fast and such, but wrong tense?


Any justice in the Sooners losing at MU? Te He

I've got a big KU flag flying out front of my house. Of course I got it up just the afternoon before losing to OU. It's all in the timing.
steer 5:47 PM - [Link] - Comments ()
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My new saying.

Humor isn't always nice

jhawk 3:09 PM - [Link] - Comments ()
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Still no joy, on the wireless blogging. Oh well, they'll work it out and I'll try again tomorrow.

It has seemed like a long slow day. I don't know if it's just me or is anyone else having this too? It's almost over for me which is great.

jhawk 2:59 PM - [Link] - Comments ()
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The amazing webmasters here at Blog Studio have added a ton of new features in the past week. Today they added the feature to allow Blog Studio Pro members to post via cell phone. All from a WML page. Right now I'm not having luck but they're working on it for me.

Another feature I'd love to have is to post via email. Send an email to my blog and have it posted. Would be sweet! Wireless blogging is pretty damn sweet too. I'll post via cell phone as soon as I can to see if it works!
jhawk 1:58 PM - [Link] - Comments ()
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There is such a thing as The International Cricket Council's anti-corruption unit (ACU)? Got it off that nonsensical ramblings about Cricket place. I mean, we all knew cricket was inherently corrupted, but I didn't know it was bad enough to need it's own unit.


jhawk 2:03 PM - [Link] - Comments ()
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Because steer wants one of those Segway HT things. I thought I'd give him a little ribbing about it.

I found this chart at the Business 2.0 Magazine's Top 101 Dumbest Moments in Business for 2002 on page 8





jhawk 10:11 AM - [Link] - Comments ()
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I just noticed something on my Opera browser. I had downloaded the version that rendered MSN into Bork. The Swedish chef from The Muppet's language. You can click here to see what it does to MSN. I noticed now, it also renders the Help About screen in the browser to Bork as well. See for yourself. Kinda funny.

jhawk 2:46 PM - [Link] - Comments ()
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Napster to return?
jhawk 11:52 AM - [Link] - Comments ()
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To: Car Designers
Subject: Design flaws in Pontiac Grand Prix GTP

I have noticed a design flaw in your vehicle. When designing the interior of this vehicle for future models, please take this into consideration. If you are going to allow for space between the driver seat and the center console that is large enough for someone to drop their keys into, please make the space at least large enough to put your hand in there to retrieve these keys.

Thank you
Owner of Pontiac Grand Prix GTP

jhawk 11:49 AM - [Link] - Comments ()
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Stupid blood drive. I don't know who's idea it was to put the sign up sheet for the Red Cross Blood Drive by my desk. It's getting to the point where it's the most annoying thing ever. I'm glad people are giving blood. It is a life saving activity. I just don't need people constantly asking me about it like I'm in charge or something. It's near my desk, not ON it. How the heck do I know if they're having juice afterwards? I'm sure they will, don't they always?

jhawk 10:02 AM - [Link] - Comments ()
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You would think as many times as I've sent out the "Snopes" message to anyone that has sent me warnings about things, they would have learned. NOOOOOO! I was just inundated with, 1) don' buy gas from certain companies. 2) cell phones killing people at gas stations, 2) If I forward this someone can track it. Come on people.
steer 9:44 AM - [Link] - Comments ()
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Now let me see if I got this right. You are in Romania (a hot bed of computer sales) and you are going to sell me 25 laptops for about $310 apiece. Ok, here let me send you the money and I'll wait for your response. What! What! Oh I can't believe it.
steer 2:59 PM - [Link] - Comments ()
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***ALERT***

Beware of LoveGate Worm. It's a doozy!

jhawk 2:38 PM - [Link] - Comments ()
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If you eat chocolate and then drink Dr Pepper it's the worst taste ever!

jhawk 2:35 PM - [Link] - Comments ()
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Thanks to tj for sending this. Don't know where she got it.

I want you to close your eyes and picture in your
mind the soldier at Valley Forge, as he holds his
musket in his bloody hands. He stands barefoot in
the snow, starved from lack of food, wounded from
months of battle and emotionally scarred from the
eternity away from his family surrounded by nothing
but death and carnage of war.

He stands tough, with fire in his eyes and victory
on his breath. He looks at us now in anger and
disgust and tells us this...

I gave you a birthright of freedom born in the
Constitution and now your children graduate too
illiterate to read it.

I fought in the snow barefoot to give you the
freedom to vote and you stay at home because it
rains.

I left my family destitute to give you the freedom
of speech and you remain silent on critical issues,
because it might be bad for business.

I orphaned my children to give you a government to
serve you and it has stolen democracy from the
people..

It's the soldier not the reporter who gives you
the freedom of the press..
It's the soldier not the poet who gives you the
freedom of speech.
It's the soldier not the campus organizer who
allows you to demonstrate.

It's the soldier who salutes the flag, serves the
flag, whose coffin is draped with the flag that
allows the protester to burn the flag!!!

"Lord, hold our troops in your loving hands.
Protect them as they protect us. Bless them and
their families for the selfless acts they perform
for us in our time of need."

steer 11:25 AM - [Link] - Comments ()
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Opera vs Microsoft

They just keep going at it! Cooperation isn't in the works.

The adversarial relationship of these two is fascinating. Opera obviously builds a much better performing and user friendly browser than Internet Explorer. They aren't afraid to challenge the big dogs. I love it.

jhawk 9:10 AM - [Link] - Comments ()
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It's freezing. No, it's below freezing. It is only 9F/-13C out. It won't get about freezing till Thursday. Then by Monday next week we'll be back to 60F/14C weather again. Weird.


At work here, we've lost a member off our team. This person moved back to their own department. The odd thing about this is, we, not the management team, will get to choose the replacement. It'll be an internal search for a new member. I think it's great we get to handpick the choice of who we want to work with. Now the problem is finding someone we want to work with :-P

jhawk 8:33 AM - [Link] - Comments ()
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This is sad for him, his parents, friends and such, but in nature it's called "thinning the herd".
steer 9:01 AM - [Link] - Comments ()
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Not very much to rant about today. Rainy here, so the Sat. will be spent inside. Won't go to my favorite store, "Lowes". Did get some plants started inside. Just want to give jhawk the congrats for finding the banner. Pretty much says it all. But there are some that don't want to be confused with the facts. Tony Blair is becoming one of my heroes. Have been looking for a place that has things that are taken from old houses that have been torn down. No luck so far. May go to Guthrie to shop. Strange town. The State here still thinks a lottery will save the schools. Strange. Indians want Class 4 gaming,(like Vegas) then will be willing to share revenue. Blackmail? Of course I personally miss the lottery and would like upgraded gaming, but will it solve problems? Alas, no. Sounds like a Christmas letter. "Our Jonney is doing so well he has been elected dog catcher" Blah, Blah, who cares, Jonney was a putz anyway.
steer 12:28 PM - [Link] - Comments ()
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I made a few different arrangements on the layout. Most of you will notice my new banner. A strong statement of my support.

jhawk 1:02 PM - [Link] - Comments ()
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IMPORTANT!! Write your congressman. They are trying to do now what they failed to accomplish in the 50's. See the horrible things they are trying to pull off.
steer 11:31 AM - [Link] - Comments ()
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Friday morning. This Saturday my roommates and I had planned to have a party to celbrate George Washington's birthday. We all decided this well over a week ago. We've all failed to invite anyone to come, as we've all just remembered a day or two ago. Oh well. We'll be there anyway.

jhawk 8:28 AM - [Link] - Comments ()
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First we gonna ROCK, Then we gonna ROLL
Then we let it POP, GO LET IT GO
X gon give it to ya
He gon give it to ya
X gon give it to ya
He gon give it to ya

Can't stop singing this. Or rapping it rather.


jhawk 1:55 PM - [Link] - Comments ()
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Some days you can feel like a dog with his head caught in a cat door.

photographs courtesy Philip Greenspun

jhawk 10:23 AM - [Link] - Comments ()
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Good Lord! Is this in English? I'm still baffled to death by Cricket.

jhawk 10:17 AM - [Link] - Comments ()
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*inside an executive meeting at fox* (which you remember is run by Howler Monkeys)

Executive 1: We need something new something fresh.

Executive 2: Let's rehash some old show.

Intern: How about Mr. Ed?

Executive 1 and 2 simultaneously: Shut up intern.

Executive 3: I got an idea. Mr. Ed with Fox attitude!

Executive 1: Nifty idea!

Executive 2: Now that's flava that I can't taste!

Executive 3: We'll just take Mr. Ed use the same basic premise, but have the horse talk with a hip-hop vocabulary.

Head of Network: Green light baby! Go for it!

jhawk 3:11 PM - [Link] - Comments ()
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Maybe I'm not taking my blogging responsibilities seriously. There are still scant cat references around the site. I've resisted the call to rant politically the best I could. There are a few in there, but not that many. Which is my choice really isn't it? My blog, my choice.

There are certain blogs out there that I affectionately refer to as 'soap opera' blogs. You know these blogs. Rather more of a journal nature. (no I won't provide links to any, I'm sure you know of a few yourself) The reason I call them 'soap opera' blogs is because they attract a following of people who read the site to catch the latest entry by the blogger. You know, the "I'm getting married come along for the ride", look at my crazy life", and the "let's high-five each other because we're blogging" types. People get caught up in the drama. What will they post next? What personal experience will be relayed today? How was their last date? What crazy thing did they do this last weekend? Oh those crazy bloggers. I got a blog. You do too! High-five dude!

The name 'soap opera' blog is actually inadequate, and I know this. The nature of blogging pushes it beyond the TV genre. For one, it's real life (or in most cases I believe the bloggers are relaying real life events. Some could be fiction writers masquerading) and not scripted. The biggest difference is that people who come to visit the site, can also participate. They get to be involved, even if remotely by leaving their comments and interacting with other readers.

It's a phenomenon that I've seen on quite a few blogs actually. A theory that's still a work in progress in my mind. I'm not criticizing these blogs that I think fit this idea. By no means whatsoever. I read them just like everyone else. I got my favs. I also have left comments a few times. I enjoy reading them. I just felt like relaying my theory, and since I have a blog.....

jhawk 2:38 PM - [Link] - Comments ()
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Of course I have a strange sense of humor, but this had me rolling on the floor. It's just to bad if you don't think it's funny.
steer 11:18 AM - [Link] - Comments ()
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Boy are we lucky we didn't have lawyers back then or I would have been valdictorian.
steer 12:44 AM - [Link] - Comments ()
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I know from emails and chats with readers here that some of you don't bother clicking on links provided here in posts and ramblings. You better not skip this one. I mean it too.

I've just read the most amazing essay by Bill Whittle. Do yourself the favor and read it. ALL of it. For those who don't, you don't deserve internet access.
jhawk 1:07 PM - [Link] - Comments ()
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Yet ANOTHER referral hit from Google for someone wanting to know how to debone a chicken. I did a search on Google myself, and I wasn't even listed in the first 24 pages of results. I did an advanced search for "how to debone a chicken" and I was on page 2 the 14th result. Only because I had used that phrase in an earlier post about people getting to my site for a similar search before.

I don't know how!
:-P

(yes now I realize this will give me a better hit on Google for this search. I don't care. pfffttt! )
jhawk 9:52 AM - [Link] - Comments ()
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Snow storms in the East cold and windy in the midwest.

Where's summer I ask?

We have been more than lucky with missing the big snow storms this year. The one that's hitting the east yesterday and today the Weather Channel is calling one of the top five.

For those in the east. Stay in, have a drink, and if you do have to go out, a snowman is a prerequisite.
jhawk 3:09 PM - [Link] - Comments ()
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10 year old Barry Panda was often scolded by his teachers at recess. Mostly because he would not obey the Slide Rules. Head first is strictly prohibited.


REUTERS/China Photo
jhawk 12:51 PM - [Link] - Comments ()
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East bound and down, loaded up and truckin',
we're gonna do what they say can't be done.
We've got a long way to go and a short time to get there.
I'm east bound, just watch ol' "Bandit" run.
Keep your foot hard on the pedal. Son, never mind them brakes.
Let it all hang out 'cause we got a run to make.
The boys are thirsty in Atlanta and there's beer in Texarcana.
And we'll bring it back no matter what it takes.
East bound and down, loaded up and truckin',
we're gonna do what they say can't be done.
We've got a long way to go and a short time to get there.
I'm east bound, just watch ol' "Bandit" run.
East bound and down, loaded up and truckin',
we're gonna do what they say can't be done.
We've got a long way to go and a short time to get there.
I'm east bound, just watch ol' "Bandit" run.
Ol' Smokey's got them ears on and he's hot on your trail.
He aint gonna rest 'til you're in jail.
So you got to dodge 'im and you got to duck 'im,
you got to keep that diesel truckin'.
Just put that hammer down and give it hell.
East bound and down, loaded up and truckin',
we're gonna do what they say can't be done.
We've got a long way to go and a short time to get there.
I'm east bound, just watch ol' "Bandit" run.



jhawk 12:02 PM - [Link] - Comments ()
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I have been conditioned by my alarm clock. I did in fact remember to set my alarm last night. Well, by set I mean I turned it on. It was in fact set to the time I set it for on Saturday morning. Which was hours after I would normally wake up for work on a weekday. I did in fact wake up on time anyway. 2 minutes before the alarm would normally go off. Maybe I don't need one anymore. :-)

jhawk 9:43 AM - [Link] - Comments ()
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Check the ice BEFORE you go skating.

Here's the image for complainers

(AP Photo/Pressens Bild/HO/Sjoeraeddningen)

jhawk 8:54 AM - [Link] - Comments ()
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If you were allergic to shellfish where would you choose to work? A seafood resturaunt? Well, this woman did. That's not how she had here severe allergic reaction though. It was from kissing here shrimp eating boyfriend.

jhawk 8:40 AM - [Link] - Comments ()
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Disco Sauna

Squirrels singing disco.

'nuff said.

jhawk 4:12 PM - [Link] - Comments ()
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Its a Saturday evening and Im bored, so jhawk suggested I post. So thats what Im doing and you cant blame me if I make you bored as well, you'll have to blame jhawk.

Im bored because I got tired of watching my two English speaking channels, CNN and BBC. Both of which are showing the worldwide protests against war. So strike those two channels and Im off to watching MTV or VIVA, both showing the same music videos over and over again. MTV goes and pisses me off just with one commercial. "War is not the answer" Ok then smartypants, what is the answer because no one seems to be able to come up with lately. It's so easy to say "Down with War" and that its not the answer but I sure dont see a commercial following it saying "Here's the answer." That brings me to VIVA or Eurosports. VIVA gets annoying because its just this Vjay wandering around a city (this time London) doing things like shopping. If I wanted to shop I would be watching the Home Shopping Network or I would actually be out shopping. And yes, Germans do have the HSN....several of them in fact. Same crap they sell in the states but in German. My last resort is Eurosport.....ahh my salvation, right? Wrong, all I get to watch these days is cross country skiing or some other strange winter sport and you may think that you dont need to hear the commentators because really you are only there to actually watch the sport. Another wrong assumption. You really do need those annoying guys telling you really what is going on. Try watching a sport with the sound off and you'll get what I mean.

Jhawk wanted to me tell you about my 5 ft beer mug. Its not really a beer mug but that's what I'll call it for a lack of a better name. This local brewery used to have what they called the meter of beer. They would bring out this paddle with 12 mugs of beer on it. Kind of a nice thing for the waitstaff so they dont have to keep coming to refill. Guess that got kind of old or something because now they have this 5 ft beer mug. Its a clear tube about 5 ft tall with a spigot at the bottom so you can serve your own beer. Pretty cool and even better than the meter of beer because this holds up to 5 liters of beer!! Then when you need a refill they just leave the base of the tube on your table and take the tube for a fill. Great concept really.

Next topic jhawk suggested was overweight Reservists. Now first I must make the disclaimer that I do respect those people that give their time to the Reserve forces just as much as us active duty folks. With that said I must now launch into my problem with a lot of them. Not all of them mind you, but a lot. On my post currently we have a lot of reservists due to the deployment of troops. You can pick these people out from a mile away. First of all most dont wear the beret, thats a dead give away. Second, the are severely overweight and look entirely lost. There was this female captain in front of me in the line at the burger bar but I wasnt quite sure if she was actually in line or in the line for the Chinese place. So I asked her. The poor lady looked like a deer caught in headlights. Her eyes got really big and she barely whispered her answer. Woah lady, get a grip. Its not like I asked her to run in front of enemy fire or anything. Just wanted to know what line you're in.

Another strange phenomenon going on at my post is the German guards. Apparently we cant take care of our own defense over here and asked for the Germans to help us out. Its nice for our soldiers to get back to their regular jobs but there are a few downsides to it. First is that I feel sorry for the poor soldiers. Its winter and extremely cold and they are here helping us out because we cant help our selves. Second is that just like everywhere else there's that one or two people that cause problems. Im not talking about the Germans causing problems, Im talking Americans. They cant seem to get it through their thick skulls that these people are here HELPING us, so in turn they should be polite and gracious. Oh no, instead they cause problems and harass the Germans. I personally have had absolutely no problems with the soldiers, they are polite and do their job better than our complacent and lazy American soldiers. Yes they are backing up the lines of cars every morning while we try to get in the gate, but that's simply because they are doing their job exactly how they are supposed to. I for one welcome the help from the Germans even though their politicians arent backing the US, their soldiers are backing us in a different way as we prepare for a possible war.

Alrighty, I think Ive ranted enough for today. Hope everyone is enjoying their weekend.
armygirl 11:17 AM - [Link] - Comments ()
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I knew they were around, I just didn't know where.
steer 8:13 AM - [Link] - Comments ()
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I only have a few "Actual Facts" left to deliver, but I thought I'd give armygirl a break.
steer 7:00 PM - [Link] - Comments ()
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Courtesy of CLanger. Pretty much says it all.
The Complete Military History of France
* Gallic Wars - Lost. In a war whose ending foreshadows the next 2000 years
of French history, France is conquered by of all things, an Italian.
* Hundred Years War - Mostly lost. Saved at last by female schizophrenic who inadvertently creates The First Rule of French Warfare; "France's armies are victorious only when not led by a Frenchman."
* Italian Wars - Lost. France becomes the first and only country to ever lose two wars when fighting Italians.
* Wars of Religion - France goes 0-5-4 against the Huguenots
* Thirty Years War - France is technically not a participant, but manages to get invaded anyway. Claims a tie on the basis that eventually the other
participants started ignoring her.
* War of Devolution - Tied. Frenchmen take to wearing red flowerpots as
chapeaux.
* The Dutch War - Tied
* War of the Augsburg League/King William's War/French and Indian War - Lost, but claimed as a tie. Three ties in a row induces deluded Frogophiles the world over to label the period as the height of French military power.
* War of the Spanish Succession - Lost. The War also gave the French their
first taste of a Marlborough , which they have loved every since.
* American Revolution - In a move that will become quite familiar to future
Americans, France claims a win even though the English colonists saw far more action. This is later known as "de Gaulle Syndrome", and leads to the Second Rule of French Warfare; " France only wins when America does most of the fighting."
* French Revolution - Won, primarily due the fact that the opponent was also French.
* The Napoleonic Wars - Lost. Temporary victories (remember the First Rule!) due to leadership of a Corsican, who ended up being no match for a British footwear designer.
* The Franco-Prussian War - Lost. Germany first plays the role of drunk Frat boy to France's ugly girl home alone on a Saturday night.
* World War I - Tied and on the way to losing, France is saved by the United States . Thousands of French women find out what it's like to not only sleep with a winner, but one who doesn't call her "Fraulein." Sadly, widespread use of condoms by American forces forestalls any improvement in the French bloodline. [Not true U.S. was only country not to issue condoms
to soldiers.]
* World War II - Lost. Conquered French liberated by the United States and
Britain just as they finish learning the Horst Wessel Song.
* War in Indochina - Lost. French forces plead sickness, take to bed with the Dien Bien Flu.
* Algerian Rebellion - Lost. Loss marks the first defeat of a western army by a Non-Turkic Muslim force since the Crusades, and produces the First Rule of Muslim Warfare; "We can always beat the French." This rule is identical to the First Rules of the Italians, Russians, Germans, English, Dutch, Spanish, Vietnamese and Esquimaux.
* War on Terrorism - France , keeping in mind its recent history, surrenders to Germans and Muslims just to be safe. Attempts to surrender to Vietnamese ambassador fail after he takes refuge in a McDonald's.
The question for any country silly enough to count on the French should not
be "Can we count on the French?", but rather "How long until France
collapses?"

steer 4:13 PM - [Link] - Comments ()
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Remember when I provided a link about MSN not playing nice with Opera?

Opera is firing back. They've released a version of Opera 7.01 that renders the MSN page in BORK. The language of the Muppets Swedish Chef.

I downloaded it so you wouldn't have to. Click here for a screenshot.

jhawk 2:18 PM - [Link] - Comments ()
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Per FARK there is a story of a car swallowed up by a sinkhole.

There were two people and a dog in it at the time. They all got out fine, and the 18 year old passenger suddenly thinks he's Superman.

"Carmine got behind the car and tried pulling on the bumper, hoping to pull the car out of the hole."

What an idiot.

jhawk 11:21 AM - [Link] - Comments ()
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I spent the morning designing the network we need for our home. It only cost about $38,000. All Mac! None of those pesky Windows platforms in here.

You can see it here. Yes, I was bored again.

This includes, 2-iMacs for the 2 roommates. They don't know anything about computers so they don't need anything fancy. 1 PowerMac G4 for my room with 23" Cinema Display. WEE! A PowerMac G4 for the media room downstairs. xServe and xServer RAID for the webserver we'd run out of our house. Finally 2 PowerBooks. One for me, of course the 17" model, and the other for the house, taking outside, in the living room, etc.

All run wireless network from an Airport Extremem Base Station.

jhawk 10:01 AM - [Link] - Comments ()
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I saw this over at ColdFury and couldn't resist. "Going to war without France is like going deer hunting without an accordion. All you do is leave behind a lot of noisy baggage".
steer 10:01 AM - [Link] - Comments ()
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I like the slogan i got from zonitics.com, "Think Global, Drink Local". No more French water and wine no more German Beer.
steer 9:49 AM - [Link] - Comments ()
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I can't believe some people, these are probably the same people that believe Madonna is an entertainer, Billy Joel can sing, Truman Capote was straight, Sean Penn is an actor, and the Tooth fairy is real. Boy, oh boy.
steer 2:54 PM - [Link] - Comments ()
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Sorry to hear/read jhawk is ill. Probably too much France. That would make anyone ill. Just thought you will be looking for your "Actual Facts" by Abrell and Thompson.
1) The lost and found column in the Des Plaines Bugle has carried the same ad for a 4-way lug wrench every day for some 63 years.
2) By the time the universe explodes, " I Love Lucy" will have been in syndication over 16 billion years.
3) The worst ice cream flavor is probably "Squirel".
Now that you have had your daily fix, go back to your rat killing.
steer 2:42 PM - [Link] - Comments ()
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I'm feeling a bit ill right now. That's why the posts have dropped off for today. So the two of you that come here and read the site, I apologize to the both of you. I'll call you later. :-P

I'm a bit dizzy. Sorry for the bad and broken links before, and any nonsensical ramblings that may have appeared. (you'd think I was sick all the time huh?)

jhawk 2:16 PM - [Link] - Comments ()
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Before you see it on FARK you can read it here.

UK census to include Jedi as religion.

jhawk 10:08 AM - [Link] - Comments ()
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This is great! This idiot wanted to protest by invoking the beloved Mr Roger's Neighborhood guy. It's funny enough as it is, let alone that it turned into a FARK photoshop contest.

jhawk 9:40 AM - [Link] - Comments ()
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Was looking at my old online journal. Before I stumbled onto the virtues of blogging. Here's a classic:

James just fought an epic battle with some chicken fat.  He was doing the dishes and low and behold there was some chicken fat from when I broiled chicken....!!!   He started with a barage of dish soap.  It was quickly rebuffed by the chicken fat.  Then came a constant volley of hot water blasts.  This managed to weaken the fat.  He followed up with a intense display of sponge mastery.  The chicken fat was banished from our house to the bowels of the city's waste system.   James will encounter it again..........

James is a roommate of mine. To this day he still battles all manners of food stuffs in our kitchen. Banishing them forthwith.

jhawk 9:16 AM - [Link] - Comments ()
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Now I found this website, and it was relatively funny.  All Too Flat The "ask the fish" is the best part.  You ask a fish any question you need advice for.  A word of warning though, this fish is a real smartass. 

jhawk 8:26 AM - [Link] - Comments ()
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A very credible source has tipped me off that both the FOX Network as well as SKY network is run by Howler Monkeys.

Figures.
jhawk 1:26 PM - [Link] - Comments ()
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WASTE TIME!

Do it.



jhawk 1:13 PM - [Link] - Comments ()
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Things that I hopefully will never say because they scare the hell out of me:

I have a strong compulsion to take half my money give it to someone else who finds it easier not to work.

I'm afraid at paying any cost for freedom. I'll just protest instead.

I'm struggling to understand why people hate my country. I'll hopefully figure it out before too many buildings collapse.

Once I do figure it out, I'll be able to effectively change the entire culture of our country to be less agravating to those who do hate us. Of course we'll have to do all this through legislation.

The UN will save us! It's worked before!

I find that insulting. Good thing so does my lawyer. $$$$

If I do say any of these I'll be too liberal to actually go into to public view, for I will know deep down I'm a phony.


jhawk 12:28 PM - [Link] - Comments ()
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Alistair Cooke. Go read him. Read this one especially. Peace of Our Time

Good.

jhawk 12:24 PM - [Link] - Comments ()
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SEE!
I told you they were on to me! I caught this French agent at my computer tring to upload a virus to my machine! Or possibly preparing to play an old version of Dig Dug using an emulator on my machine. Evil either way.


jhawk 10:24 AM - [Link] - Comments ()
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I was searching for a topic for something to write about. I was given this website to help facilitate my writing. Their topics were a bit mundane for me. I usually prefer my own technique for coming up with topics. I beat my head on my desk until I think of something. Which brings us to today's topic.

Desks with rounded edges are more preferable over desks with square edges. The rounded type tend to pose as bad a "cut your head open" risk as their square edged counterparts. Safety is the key people. Safety.

jhawk 9:52 AM - [Link] - Comments ()
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They have the Red Cross Blood drive sign up sheet out. NO THANKS



Look at the size of that needle!

jhawk 9:25 AM - [Link] - Comments ()
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Anyone else think monkeys are running TV?

I do.

**Update**
I think monkeys are running France too. (no link provided. I think the monkeys are on to me)

jhawk 9:18 AM - [Link] - Comments ()
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Since blogs don't run without cats. Cat

Cat!
jhawk 8:05 AM - [Link] - Comments ()
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Some of you may know this site. Others won't. Arcata, California police log. I haven't been there in months, and rediscovered it today. Brilliant.

jhawk 3:20 PM - [Link] - Comments ()
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I was just reading the Salina Journal online in the section you can post your comments to. They were talking about the dog problem in Salina. All I can say is the same as Bugs, "What a bunch of maroons". It seems like the same people write in and say the same thing everytime.
Unlike this site where we carry on a civilized conversation of the highest order.
steer 12:57 PM - [Link] - Comments ()
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I just went to the breakroom for a Dr Pepper. Need that caffeine! Anyway, the vending machine has a propensity for taking at least 1 out of every 7 dollars and giving no drink. People then leave a note on the machine and the people who maintain the machine leave a refund on the table in the breakroom. All very good, as no one seems to steal the refund money. Very honest people here. There was a note on the machine when I went back there that it owed someone $5. Wow, 5 dollars? Lets see why this perplexed me so. Maybe you've already spotted it.

Once you put in a dollar and recieve nothing back you're faced with a decision. Do you

A. move on and leave your note for losing a dollar?
or
B. try another dollar and choose a different item?

Now which ever one you choose is a good choice. Chances are you'll get your drink the second time and you still can leave a note to retrieve that first dollar.

After 5 attempts at getting a drink you can only conclude a two things.

1. that the entire machine isn't working and eating every dollar placed in it.
or
2. this idiot tried the same drink 5 times

I was apprehensive to try my dollar with that note on there. Surely, the entire machine wasn't working right? Wrong, I got my drink on the first try. I can only conclude that this person tried the same drink 5 times. Now, why 5? Wouldn't you have given up after maybe 3 tries at the most?

jhawk 9:33 AM - [Link] - Comments ()
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The Westminster Kennel Club Dog Show has been taking place the last couple of days. My parents usually liked to watch it. (why? For the dogs of course)

Made me think, (yes, you're right. Thinking slowly and incoherently) I started to think about what type of dog I'd like to have if I were allowed. I mean there's no restraining order or judges ruling prohibiting me from getting a dog. More like a tyrannical homeowner hell bent on keeping me down! Actually, just the roommate (who happens to own the house) doesn't like anything that makes noise or a mess. I originally suggested a Basenji since they don't bark. They do make noise but don't bark. So technically they'd still make noise, but he wouldn't know until it was too late and he'd already fell in love with the dog. (unlikely)

That's not the type of dog I'd want though. I want a DOG. Not a lap dog, a yip yip yip kind of dog. If a dog can be taken in a fight by a squirrel then what's the point? Wouldn't it be embarassing to own a dog like that? I want a man's dog. Not that I'm going hunting or anything. I want a dog that's the equivalent of a SUV. It'll never go off-road, but I'd like to know it could if I ever wanted to. I've narrowed it down to a few. I'll lay out the choices here and then you can vote in the poll.

Labrador Retriever-- This dog is great. My parents have one. She's fat and neurotic, but that's just Abby (dog's name). They're gentle and fun loving. Easily trainable and they're definitely not a lap dog. They do chew the heck out anything small enough to fit in their mouth for a year or two. (which include, table and chair legs, the coaxial cable running into the house, drain pipes, sticks, shoes, arms, etc.) Color could be either black or chocolate.

Golden Retriever--Same type of temperment as the Lab, but it's long hair hippie relative. Both of these dogs shed, but this one sheds longer hairs. Also a bigger dog, which is a plus in my book.

English Setter--I include the English setter because it's English. ;-P My parents had one of these too. It was dumb as a board (which it proved by running into fences, doors, walls, and other stuff constantly.) I chalk this up to my parents uncanny luck in getting the one dog that's uncharacteristic of the breed. It was a nice dog. It thought it was a lap dog. He sure tried anyway. His temperment was great. Just dumb. He was a natural hunting dog. He'd point anything. His usual fun game in the summer was pointing flies. Yes, he'd point a fly on the deck like we were out hunting the thing or something.

Weimaraner--Very friendly breed. It looks cool too. Not a small dog so it suits my idea of the ideal dog. If you click that link and read down at the bottom of the dog's Faults. What does that mean?

Ok that's it for the list. There could be others but I'll keep it short.

VOTE! Poll is on the left.

jhawk 9:09 AM - [Link] - Comments ()
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REUTERS/Miro Kuzmanovic
GO GO GO!!


Wonder if he made it. Kind of reminds me of life sometimes. Always trying to outrun the avalanche. Sometimes it's just a snowball.
jhawk 8:18 AM - [Link] - Comments ()
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Joe Millionaire has us pretty darn ticked off....
jhawk 9:04 PM - [Link] - Comments ()
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I see on EBCLink.com that the director of the symphony got busted. Maybe she was just "high strung", or is now "singing" the blues or may just taking her "cue" from whats-her-name. Her footsteps should have been more "staccato" on the floor and not so "lento". Those were too easy, if I got the music terms right after all these years. If not someone will let me know. So go back to your rat killing.
steer 4:38 PM - [Link] - Comments ()
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There's more than one way to skin Opera.

jhawk 3:42 PM - [Link] - Comments ()
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I had a Google search referral for "how to debone a chicken" Now how exactly that resulted in this site, I'm not sure. It did get me thinking though. How do you debone a chicken?

Steer did offer to teach me how to cut up a whole chicken once. I'm guessing in an effor to save 3 cents a pound or something on a whole chicken.

jhawk 3:36 PM - [Link] - Comments ()
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These Marines must not have payed attention in class>
steer 1:26 PM - [Link] - Comments ()
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Darn Microsoft.

Why Does Opera not work with MSN?

Because they don't want it to...

jhawk 1:22 PM - [Link] - Comments ()
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I think I found out why your Dell computer can't remember anything.

Another round of "Actual FActs"
1) A man can actually move at 140 MPH, but only for 6 inches.
2) "lap" dogs were originally bred to be eaten.
3) If diluted thinly enough, the juice of one lemon would cover the state of Oregon.
steer 1:19 PM - [Link] - Comments ()
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I was thinking of something this weekend on the 3 hour drive back home. I passed a sign for the Powerball lottery. Then the daydreaming began (which probably isn't a good thing to do while driving).

I thought the inevitable, "What would I do if I won like $20 million?" Putting aside all the crazy and useless purchases, like an Emu farm. I came up with what I thought was a good idea. And now I'll disseminate it here (so someone who does win the lottery can steal it).

I thought it'd be a great idea that if I won the lottery to document it here. You could follow the changes in my life as I made may way with all this new wealth dropped on me. I thought it would be a good concept to watch and see how the money changed me. Did I make fundemental changes in "who" I was, or was I just me now with more money? What would I do with so much money? Give it away, spend it all? It'd be great for people to follow along and find out.

Maybe it's not a great idea, or maybe it is. Bad part of it all, is that it hinges solely upon me winning the lottery, which of course, hasn't happened yet.

jhawk 10:29 AM - [Link] - Comments ()
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I'm back. I was gone all weekend. It was a good break but maybe I should have stayed home.

This was also posted over at Cold Fury but I thought I'd include it here too. People want to know why we bad mouthed France here a couple of times. Well it seems to be a trend in America lately. This recent Gallup Poll has backed that idea.

Here's the excerpts:

PRINCETON, NJ -- Americans have a sharply more unfavorable image of France than they have had at any point over the past decade. Favorable opinions of the country have dropped 20 points in the last year, while unfavorable opinions have risen by 17 points. Americans' attitudes toward Germany, which, like France, has balked at approving the U.S. position on the necessity of military action against Iraq, have also become substantially more negative since last year. The image of North Korea in the minds of Americans, already quite negative, has become even more so this year compared to last.

***UPDATE***
I love the Brits!


jhawk 9:57 AM - [Link] - Comments ()
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There was one cigarette laying on a desk. To co-workers claimed it was theirs. They explained to each other their claim to the cigarette in ever escalating tones. One finally relented, and told the other that they could have the darn cigarette. (Paraphrasing that. The actual words were a bit harsher). Only one term was set as a condition of ownership to the cigarette. She was to be allowed to sniff it one last time.

Thank god I don't and never have smoked.

jhawk 3:22 PM - [Link] - Comments ()
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Why, oh why are we not taking all of our political cues from Hollywood? That's where the press seems to think all our answers should come from because they're constantly printing articles with actors, writers, and music industry types exhausting us with their diatribes.

The ability to sing and having a flat stomach surely gives your views that much needed political weight. Shakira sure thinks so. Thank God she's wrong.

Aparently at her concerts she plays a video segment during one of her songs. Here's an excerpt from the article on MTV's website.

The visual is comical at first, like something from Genesis' "Land of Confusion" video. But as violent war footage begins to intersperse with the match and the shot slowly pans out to reveal the puppeteer is the Grim Reaper, it develops into a disturbing segment that changes the tone of the Colombian singer's concert.