Saturday, January 29, 2005

Well I did put my dog to sleep. It hurt horrifically badly for a couple of days but then God saw me through it, and I got another dog. So I'm sitting here typing this with a wee chihuahua puppy asleep in her new bed over there <--- she has been up in my lap for two days but then I bought a book tonight that said I should have put her down on the floor right away, so I messed up. It was nearly unbelievable how much it hurt to kill my dog; I thought I couldn't stand it, and I KNOW God healed the pain of it for me. I'm still wonky and fragile and losing her changed things for me, but I'm definately on the mend, and I have God to thank for that... Only God.

Posted by bonehaven at 12:52 AM - [Link]

Monday, January 17, 2005

You know, God saw me through my mother's death, such that everyone remarked how well I handled it. He kept me from the depression that threatened to overwhelm me after. He basically held me up all the way through it. But a few days ago I had thought that it was time to put my dog to sleep, and my bro called me inhumane for keeping her alive, even though the only problem is that she's real old and such. And I prayed that Jesus would help me and guide me, but the pain only got worse and worse, until finally I realized I couldn't handle it and decided not to do it. So I'm assuming that it wasn't my dog's time, right? because it hurt sooooooo much that I will most certainly NEED God to help me handle it. The fact that God wasn't forthcoming must be because He was trying to say that it wasn't the right time. If God had given me peace about my dog's death, I would have gone ahead and done it. But man was it scarey how much it hurt. I can only imagine what I would have gone through regarding my mother if I didn't have God. I hate to imagine life without God. I try to avoid imagining it for sure.

Posted by bonehaven at 9:40 PM - [Link]

Tuesday, January 11, 2005

Do you ever find yourself caring about the opinions of others too much? I mean when it comes to your Christianity. Like not wanting to look like a 'crazy Christian' and find yourself bending under the judgemental gaze of non-Christians and those 'too normal stepford wife' Christians. I think that the opinions of such people can really taint our relationship with God, and I'm pretty sure that Jesus warned us about caring about such things. I mean, to be actually MOVED away from your love for Jesus in any way shape or form by caring how you look to other people, that's evil isn't it? it's like junior high peer pressure, what people do to Christians to shut them up. it's where people develop life long drug problems and such, that's peer pressure. and did anybody in junior high actually TELL you that you had to smoke a cigarette? no. but the evil force is huge and insidious. You know what I want? I want a blog with no expectations attached to it. I have so many blogs now. My Christian blog here. My 'health' blog there. And now my more 'secular' blog. But on each blog there are 'expectations' aye? I think I will go change that on my secular blog before anybody starts actually reading it. hehe.. We must stop caring so much what people think, that's for sure.

Posted by bonehaven at 2:35 AM - [Link]

Thursday, January 06, 2005

Well Christmas turned out just fine didn't it? I see from my last post on THIS blog that I left in a huff. Alls well that ends well. Strange of me to rant in this blog anyway, think I got my blogs confused, sorry to the person/s that is still reading this one, I'm fine. See? Jesus DOES always rescue me! I love Jesus, I should come here more often and talk about that. I was watching a show called 'mystic women of the middle ages' last night, and it was talking about these women that lived.. hundreds and hundreds of years ago that had a super close relationship with Jesus. I must say that I was a little envious, except for the one with stigmata, hehe, ouch! But it does seem to me that Jesus has been much more.... gentle.. with me. He seemed almost a stern figure with these women, and I only got that from Jesus the first time I saw Him, that first vision, after the sinner's prayer, when he was kinda almost giving me heck with His eyes and saying 'take this seriously' at the same time.. But aside from that first bit, Jesus has been kind and gentle and sometimes even childlike in His sweetness, and sometimes almost playful, if I could call it that, kinda giggly. Then, oh then, He has been.... distant. But anyway, I wondered about those mystic women, and I questioned my own Christianity, if it's 'good enuff' now. Because I'm so caught up in life now and Jesus doesn't talk to me anymore so it's so.... quiet. I wish I knew better how to be a Christian. I'm still a baby Christian really. My early days as a Christian were spent one on one with God, so I don't know how to live THIS way, without the one on one contact, but still a worshipping Christian. I mean I know, I guess... I'm doing it... But I feel like I need to be closer to God. yes, that's exactly what I need, thank you for listening dear reader.

Posted by bonehaven at 5:33 AM - [Link]

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